


Nothing ever ends

by 50s_housewife_with_a_dark_secret



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Affection, Africa, Aftermath, Aftermath of Torture, Analysis, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Attempt at Humor, Attraction, Avenger James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Based on a Tumblr Post, Betrayal, Better Than Canon, Black Character(s), Blood and Injury, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Canon Disabled Character, Captain America - Freeform, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Post-Credits Scene, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Changing POV, Character Analysis, Comfort, Cuddles, Cuddling & Snuggling, Death from Old Age, Disability, Disabled Character, Drug Abuse, Drug abuse as a coping mechanism, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Needs A Hug, Everything Hurts, F/M, Feelings, Feels, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Hurts So Good, I Blame Tumblr, I Ship It, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm Bad At Titles, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Violence, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Kissing It Better, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Made For Each Other, Meant To Be, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Multi, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Not Beta Read, Old Friends, Original Character(s), POV James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Panic, Panic Attacks, Past Rape, Past Relationship(s), Pepper Potts as Rescue, Period Typical Attitudes, Physical Disability, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Movie(s), Post-Recovery Bucky Barnes, Protective James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Ratings: R, Recovery, Relationship(s), Reunited and It Feels So Good, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sharing a Bed, Sleepy Cuddles, So Married, Squabbling, Squee, Suicidal Thoughts, Survivor Guilt, Team as Family, To Be Continued, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Touchy-Feely, Vendettas, Violent Thoughts, Wakanda, What Was I Thinking?, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, angsty, in one chapter, past necrophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-02-08 05:45:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 74
Words: 26,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12858039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/50s_housewife_with_a_dark_secret/pseuds/50s_housewife_with_a_dark_secret
Summary: What started out as a fluffy h/c and cuddles Stucky fic has morphed into a fluffy h/c and cuddles Avengers fic with Stucky, Pepperony and Clintasha as well as a lot of Valkyrie feels. Enjoy! :)





	1. No going back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's POV

This is it. If he goes now he can't turn back. But then Steve always knew that. From the second this started he was walking away. It isn't just a choice. It's an escape. And he needs to make it. He runs over to help Bucky up. T'Challa is waiting outside. He helps them to the jet. 

"Thanks" Steve manages. "Call Pepper. Give her this location once we're gone. Please." 

"Is your...is Stark..."

"He's alive." confirms Steve. 

"I am glad to hear it." T'Challa says, half polite interest and half challenge.

"Me too." Bucky beats Steve to the acknowledgment and slumps into a seat.


	2. This can't be happening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's POV

Steve isn't actually going to leave him there? Right? Here in the cold. To die. Tony shudders onto his side. How had everything gone this wrong? He can barely move. the armor is locking up. Shit shit shit. Not again. He forces down an icy breath. Can't panic now. Tony dimly realizes he is gasping in and out. His breathe, despite his best efforts, is shallow. He isn't going to die here. Steve wouldn't have left him to die here. Not after everything. Just because. Oh shit. Oh shit he...maybe. He had never...Tony shivers down another breathe. It is getting less and less possible to do that. The armor feels tight around his neck. Steve has to come back. It's in his perfect-uptight-code-of-honor or someshit. It has to be. Tony tries to move but the armor is dead around him. The air is so cold on his face. Steve wouldn't leave him here. Steve would come back. He has to. He has to. He has to. Tony's shudders slow to gasps. The gasps become shallow panting. There is no one particular instant that he could point to as falling asleep or passing out. It just happens. 


	3. Settling in

When T'Challa leaves them to their new suite, Steve just stares ahead at the wall. It's unnerving. This whole time, he's been the one keeping things together. At least he seemed to be. Like glue holding the world in place. If Steve's out of it, there's no way of knowing what exactly is real at any particular moment. Bucky nudges him. "Hey..." Steve barely shifts. Bucky curls up next to him. There is warm sunlight coming in from the window. The blankets are soft. Bucky nudges Steve again. "We made it."

There's a slight sigh of relief from Steve at that. Still, he looks helpless "Do you think we killed him?" Steve leans against Bucky. 

Probably. It was freezing out there. It'd be hours before Pepper could get there with a real medical team. Stark doesn't have the serum. "No. C'mon he's Iron man. He'll be fine Stevie." 

Steve leans into Bucky and Bucky holds him close. "Yeah. Yeah you're probably right." Steve says. "It'll be fine. It will all be fine." 

Bucky feels a stab of guilt. He doesn't know that. He just can't bring himself to send Steve deeper into whatever this is. He's never been like this. Has he? The memories are indistinct, more ideas than anything else. He was small and weak but he was always, always looking for a fight. He didn't get scared. He didn't  _look_ small. Even when he was skinny and tiny and everything...he filled up a room in a way that this Steve isn't doing. 

"Hey, we'll call Pepper and check as soon as we can." Bucky says. 

"When." 

"Lets just rest now. You wouldn't believe the day I've had, buddy." 

That actually gets a hollow half-laugh out of Steve. "Okay. Okay. We need rest." Steve admits. It doesn't sound like idea-Steve. But it's warm and they're safe and Steve is here in his arms so Bucky falls into a comfortable sleep. 

***

Steve wishes he could sleep too, but his eyes won't shut. 

 


	4. Nightmares on Purpose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve daydreams

When Steve wakes up his first thought is a pleasant one. Alexander Pierce is dead. It's also frustrating because the next thought is: the dead cannot suffer. Steve has never wanted to hurt someone before. Kill? absolutely. Torture? Not his style. Maybe he can find some loose ends to clean up. That makes him smile. It'd be good to destroy someone right now. 

Bucky is asleep, curled up against him. Logically, Steve knows he won't leave Bucky, and Bucky needs rest, not elaborate revenge plots with blood and guns. Still, maybe when this is all over. Then he will be free. And he will be merciless. Every Hydra agent. Every person even distantly connected to the "Winter Soldier Project", they aren't going to die. They taught him that dying isn't the worst thing. He will make sure they understand it too. He will break them piece by piece until the only thing left is their pain. Every last one of them will be art works of pure hatred. Steve does not usually hate people. There is only one way Steve has ever been made to hate. 

He will hunt them down and he will make sure they know he is coming for them. He will twist them into soulless scraps of humanity.

He will spend another century just breaking them and laughing. He will take  _their_ memories. Their lives. 

It's a childish game, but he keeps going. He throws up in his mouth a little. The fantasies become more detailed. Awful things that he would never usually think of. 

Dissecting them while they live. 

_More. worse. better. think._

Slowly fraying but never destroying their nerves. 

_C'mon. Revenge. Do it. Think._

Solitary confinement. Mind games. Make them bark like dogs and beg for beatings. 

_Sicker. Worse. Kill. Destroy. Hurt._

Pit them against eachother. Like gladiators for his fucking entertainment. Joke with them like old friends. Friends. Betrayal. Sheild is Hydra. 

_Steve throws up in his mouth again but he swallows it back down._

He gets up, quietly and paces up and down the sitting room.

His thoughts start to scare him. But Steve is no coward, he leans into them anyway. Horrible things. Unspeakable things. They build on eachother like so many countless soap bubbles. 

He'd kill for a gym right now. A punching bag. Something. 

He goes out into the hallways. 

The thoughts are still flowing. 

Where was the gym. 

He stops grinding his teeth long enough to ask for directions from someone he doesn't recognize.  

They don't speak English anyway. 

He's basically stomping back and forth now. 

Someone who does speak English shows up. Says T'chall got word and was worried. 

They say the gym is this way. 

Steve tries to go easy on the punching bag but it's still broken. 

Shit. He'll have to find a way to make that up to T'Challa. 

 

 

 


	5. Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve writes to Tony

After a few days, Steve finally sits down to write to Tony. It's probably stupid, but he has to try. He sits at a table for a few minutes. It starts off awkward. Is he being smug? He doesn't think he's being smug. How can he explain that he's still worried, when he's the one who caused half the problems Tony's probably juggling? Tony had let him down but...he could come back from it. Maybe they could come back from it. He should have just told Tony from the start. Whatever. Things would have to be fixed. Time for another mission. Finally. Steve sighed in relief and went to get ready to break the others out of the raft. Something to do. People to punch maybe. Shit. Why was he like this? Why were things like this? Whatever. It didn't matter. All he could do was what he could do. He'd be there for his friends now. He'd be there for Tony when Tony was ready. It had to be enough. 

***

Tony made sure to be as unhelpful as possible with the prison break. They could whine all they wanted but he was Tony fucking Stark and it wasn't like they could really do anything without his funds or the whole Iron Man...thing... to back them up. Ugh. He hoped Cap appreciated this. Probably not. Whatever. 


	6. Vengeful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve just wants to protect Bucky.  
> Bucky just wants Steve to shut the hell up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The opinions of the characters towards therapy are not my own. They are traumatized, defensive, men from the 40's who are always trying to pretend to be fine. I highly recommend therapy and they both definitely need it.

Bucky is  _fine_ with all the tests. He's fine with the psych eval and all the other red tape bullshit. He doesn't mind having to meet with a shrink, even though he doesn't really think it'll help.  Steve though, Steve is losing his absolute goddamn shit. That's fine too. Whatever. 

 "Why?!" Steve demands again. 

T'challa tries to keep his voice low. "Because I cannot allow a potential threat into the heart of Wakanda without at least attempting to make sure its safe."

"So what, the therapist reports back to you?"

"No. That I added because it's a good idea." It's sort of ridiculous how they both think just because they're in the hall and whispering he can't hear them. Ridiculous in an obnoxious kind of way. 

"Bucky isn't crazy." Steve insists, a little louder than he probably means to.

Bucky actually chuckles at that. Sure, Punk, whatever you say. 

"I didn't say he was" Says T'Challa diplomatically

If there's anything more annoying than Steve, it's probably the way T'Challa is dancing around him. 

 "You meant it."

"I promise you, Captain." T'Challa says "I did not."  

Bucky finally steps into the hall with them 

"It's fine." Bucky says. 

Steve looks at him for a long time. 

"Fine." He says

***

Bucky stares across the room at the therapist. He's got his best "Winter Soldier Murderous Glare" going, at the therapist, a Wakandan woman named Akachi, who appears to be completely unfazed. 

Bucky resists the urge to shift uncomfortably. It would sort of undercut the effect of the glare. Not that it's having much effect at all. 

He finally decides to break the silence. It isn't working anyway. "I bet you think you can fix me or something. You're so perfect and smart and you think you can fix me. You don't know shit and you can't."

She doesn't look offended but she shifts a little in her seat so that's something, he guesses. "Alright." She says.

Alright?

"My goal isn't to fix anyone." 

Bucky snorts "Then what am I here for?" 

"Why did you agree to come here today?" She asks, which is not an answer.

"Maybe I just wanna see you crack." He says tonelessly. 

She smiles, as if they're in on some private joke "Challenge accepted." She says, which doesn't sound very therapist-y at all. 

Bucky isn't sure where to go from there, which is probably exactly what she wants. Like if she just acts weird enough he'll start sobbing about his childhood or something. Good luck, lady.  Fine, she wants him to talk? He'll talk.

 _"_ You think your funny but you don't even know what a challenge is."

"So..." She prompts "What is a challenge?"

"A challenge is...is...god where do I start? A challenge is fucking... repeating shit you don't even understand and if you fuck it up your whole brain gets fried and that's it if your lucky, a challenge is" He's laughing now, because this whole thing is so fucking ridiculous "It's pretending to be some 40's science nerd when you never want to see another chemical or...or fucking lab in your damn life. It's wandering around, following some self righteous angelic fucker, who can't even see that your a piece of shit and will only get pissy if you point it out and go ruin a fucking gym bag or something, it's...god, I bet every fucking day life would seem like a goddamn challenge to you!" It's supposed to sound like a confrontation but it comes out as a joke. The laughing doesn't help. "Like, ugh, i dunno, jesus, you ever been operated on without anesthetic or anything?" He's maybe giggling a little now "Like god, you're probably gonna go all horrified and weepy now, but what no-one seems to get is that I don't fucking _care_. It's not a goddamn problem. What's bugging me or whatever is everyone waiting for me to fucking blow up _or_ something? I mean christ!"

He's sort of hoping for _that_ to get some sort of damn reaction from Akachi. Or at least maybe some disapproving glare or something. That would be funny. But no. She just says "Does Steve do that?"

"Do what?" he is this close to getting up and putting a metal fist through her skull or something. Like, not actually but...

"Act like he think's you'll 'blow up'?" He can hear the quotation marks in her voice. 

"No." He says. "No he's fine. Like, it's just." He waves his hand in the air looking for a word that will get her to shut up. "I just get...I dunno, I have a shit attitude." He admits.

"Would you like to work on that? We could come up with some strategies for different ways you could approach that."

Well  _that_ doesn't sound creepy at all. 

 "No. No it's fine. Look. I'm just talking okay? That's what I'm supposed to do right? It's all good." 

"Okay. Maybe we can come back to that later." slumps down in his chair like he's a five year old or something. "Okay." He says. 

This is such bullshit. 

***

Steve is waiting in the next room when it's over. 

"How'd it go?" Steve asks. There it is again. He's waiting for Bucky to blow up.

He shrugs "Good, I guess." he says because he doesn't feel like going into detail. 

Steve seems to take it as a genuine answer though because he gets that obnoxious smile like he's training a particularly obstinate puppy and goes "Good. I'm...I'm really glad to hear that." 


	7. Anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's POV

Tony wishes something would just work out for once. Anything. For some goddamn reason no-one can ever stand him. Shocking. Really. But still. Nat's still pissy at him too. Which was bullshit. He'd let the douche-bags escape or whatever hadn't he? Even though he _knew_ he couldn't trust them anymore. If he knows anything. He had thought he'd known the avengers were a team. Maybe not the best team. Maybe they bickered a lot but they were the  _Avengers_. Tony almost wants to laugh at himself. What is he, some sad nerdy kid? 

"JARVIS?"

"Sir?"

"Figure out where Nat is? I wanna annoy her."

"Just a moment" JARVIS said. Tony sighed

"Sorry, Sir. Unable to track the Black Widow." Naturally. Shit. 

Tony throws his bouncy ball at the wall. It misses and peters down the hallway. Nice. That's classic Nat though. Unavailable and probably off shooting and/or punching someone somewhere. Or whatever it is she does for fun. 

"Call Rhodey" Rhodey is never up to shit. 

"Hey Tony, What's up?" 

"Nothin' much, what's up with you?"

"So just to be clear this isn't an Iron Patriot situation?"

"It's never an "Iron Patriot Situation". On occasion it's a War Machine situation."

"Tony" Rhodey warned

Tony sighes "No. It's not, technically, an iron patriot situation."

"Then what is it?"

"I'm boooored."

"Tony. I can't do this right now. I'm at a wedding." 

"You're at a wedding? Who's wedding?"

"My brother? Remember?"

"...yes?"

"No you don't. I don't have a brother. It's my cousin. I gotta go."

"Wait! don't-- aaand he hung up...awesome." 

Fucking traitor. Fucking traitors everywhere all the time. Traitor Dad always "busy" with "work" . Traitor Mom always too scared of drunk traitor dad to do shit. Traitor Cap hiding how traitor creepy hydra dude killed traitor mom.  Fucking shit. Was Tony the only loyal goddamn person on the planet? Where was everyone? He could have sworn Pepper was here somewhere. 

"Pepper?"

"Ms. Potts left an hour ago." says Jarvis. 

"Of course she did." Tony says out-loud, even though it doesn't really require a response. 

Right. He had waved her out. "Video-call Pepper."

"Hey Tony." There is a smile in her voice. 

"Hey Pepper. I was thinking...we should get back together."

"Tony" Pepper sighs. Her smile is tired and sad now.

"No. Hey I'm serious."

"Tony...I told you I needed space."

"Great. Yeah. I can do space. We can...I dunno...live separate. Separate houses, cars, toothbrushes."

"We've always had separate toothbrushes."

"Pepper..."

"Goodbye Tony." It isn't angry, but it's final. And she hangs up.

Shit.  

Can't even count on goddamn Pepper anymore.

 

 

 


	8. All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky runs from his problems

Steve is eating breakfast. Bucky sits down across from him. 

"I should go back into cryo." 

"What?" Steve looks like he's been slapped. 

"I can't control my mind. I don't know what's happening half the time. I'm sick of being everyone's problem. I'm going back into cryo." He sounds more confident than he feels. 

Steve looks fucking heartbroken. "We can figure this out. I thought the therapist was helping?"

"I thought you said I didn't need one?"

"I was...I dunno...I was just so defensive but..."

"See? Even you admit I'm crazy."

"You have problems. We can solve them."

"She told me herself she couldn't fix me."

Steve looks stumped at that. "We will." He says softly. "We'll fix all of this."

He sounds so certain that Bucky wants to believe him. 

"I can't take this anymore, Steve." He says. 

Steve moves forward to hug him.

Bucky flinches. 

Steve sits back down. He looks awkward and lost.  

"You're not a problem." Steve insists quietly.

Bucky actually laughs at that. "Steve..."

"You're. Not. A. Problem." Steve insists. It comes out as half growl. "You're the best thing in my life." His voice is suddenly soft. "Please. Please. I don't... I know it's selfish, Buck, but I don't wanna be alone." 

"I...okay...I...yeah okay." 

Bucky goes back to his room to lie down. If he can't rest at least he'll sleep. 

 

 

 


	9. Make

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve tries to make people happy and mostly fails

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all. So I realize that we haven't gotten to much of the comfort in this hurt/comfort fic but I swear to you on Coulsons' collector cards that it is indeed going to happen. We just have to establish the angst and groundwork first.

Sam is staying in Wakanda too now. He texts Steve this morning asking him to go for a run. Steve agrees. 

Bucky is still in his room, probably sleeping, so Steve scribbles a quick note and leaves it on the kitchen table " _Out running with Sam. Will be back at around 10:00 a.m. -- Steve"_

It's a beautiful day. The gardens of the Wakandan palace are incredibly bright. Big orange flowers pop up from between fat green leaves. Steve doesn't know the names for any of them but they're beautiful.  The sky is bright blue, with pale wispy clouds drifting to the edges. He meets Sam at the path they're going to run. Sam immediately pulls him into a warm hug. "It's good to see you again man. I was starting to worry T'Challa had you locked up." He jokes. 

"Nah." Steve says with a smile. "Nah. More like...self-imposed isolation."

"Well good riddance to that." 

Their typical competition sets in quickly, and, as is traditional, Steve wins every round, much to Sam's fake-annoyance. The friendly bickering and slight runner's-high actually feel pretty good. 

***

Bucky is still asleep when Steve gets back. He's been sleeping more and more lately. Steve knocks tentatively on the door "Buck?"

There's the sound of Bucky getting off of the bed and stomping to the door. He opens it. His hair is an absolute mess, there are huge dark circles under his eyes and he's in a ratty pair of boxers. "What?" he demands.

"I'm just worried. You've been sleeping all day."  

"I'm tired." Bucky says, but he steps out into the kitchen. He just stands there, arms folded. 

"Okay...okay...sorry." 

"Whatever." Bucky huffs and continues to stand there, glaring. It feels like a challenge, but Steve's not sure of what, so he just walks away. Bucky turns and leaves the apartment to go somewhere. He slams the door behind himself. 

Steve opens up his email. Spam. Spam. Spam. Empty threats from the American government, which are, naturally spam. Spam. Fan that somehow got his personal email address. Still nothing from Tony. Yeah he should probably have seen that coming. 

***

Bucky comes back after a few hours.

"Sorry." He says, without moving from the doorway. Steve puts down his phone and walks over to Bucky. Slowly, carefully, he pulls Bucky into a hug.

"It's okay." He says, rubbing circles on Bucky's back like he's a kid or something "I'm sorry too." 

They settle onto the couch, leaning against one another. Steve's arm is still slung around Bucky. They sit quietly for a second and then Steve picks up the remote with his free hand and flips through various movies and shows on the TV, looking for something to watch. They settle on some meaningless sitcom. It's more background noise and distraction than anything, which is honestly perfect. They fall asleep like that. Leaning against eachother.

***

By the same time next night, Bucky is back to being angry. "You could at least pretend to care that I stormed out." He says.

Steve sits down at the table and rubs his temples tiredly "I...I thought I did. I mean I do care. We hugged, remember?"

"We hugged." Bucky snorts like that's some kind of joke. "Yeah. Really feel appreciated, being hugged just because I left you alone for a while."

"What? No...I...what?"

"Look, I get it, I'm fucked up and you have plenty of non-fucked up friends, but if you don't care just...leave me alone or let me go back into cryo or whatever." This again? 

"What?"

"Don't you have ears I _said_ \--"

"I know...but cryo? Bucky we talked about this."

"No. _You_ talked about it." 

"Look...buddy, if you really wanna go back into cryo I...I won't stop you but..."

"But what?"

"I just...I really don't want...I really just hope you don't." Steve's head is in his hands.

"Wow. Heartwarming." says Bucky sarcastically. 

"What do you want from me, Buck?" Steve still doesn't sound angry. Just sad.

"Iether give a shit or don't. Just make up your mind."

"Buck...you have to know that I do...I ...You're everything."

"Whatever Steve" says Bucky, like this is somehow on Steve for being unreasonable, and he slumps back to his room and shuts the door, quietly, but somehow with more fury than if he had slammed it. 


	10. Makes Me Sad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper helps Tony deal with things

Tony is passed out in front of the schematics for a new suit when Pepper finds him. Happy is huffing to keep up with her and he finally catches up with her in the lab. 

"Happy, help me tuck him in."

"You really aren't supposed to be here." Happy complains

"Well clearly things are sort of falling apart without me." She says.

"I..." he trails off because that is...not a bad point. This isn't the first time Peppers absence has been a direct precursor to things going to shit.  "What are you even doing here?" he asks instead.

"He called me at three a.m. last night, because apparently 'Barf made him evil?'...you tell me."

Happy sighs "B.A.R.F. it's what we're calling the...the thing. It brought up a lot of bad memories right before."

"Oh right before..."

"Yeah."

When Tony wakes up there is a glass of water next to the bed and a couple of advil that won't do anything anyway. "Jarvis, tell Happy I say thank you."

After a second Jarvis responds "Ms. Potts says to say, you're welcome. She also asks that I tell you there is an omelet on the table." 

"Sshhhh" Is all Tony can think to say. But then, he's used to this, so after a few minutes he pulls himself up and slumps over to eat. 

"Morning" Pepper says, like this is perfectly normal. 

"Pepper?"

"Yes." She says "You called me last night, or, morning technically."

"Shiiit." Tony resists the urge to faceplant into his omelet. "Sorry." 

Pepper suddenly has her serious face on "Tony...I'm worried about you."

"What else is new?" He says, but he can't quite make it sound humorous.

"What's new is you having an all out battle with your friends, and...and what suddenly Steve is a war criminal?"

"His friend killed my mom."

"What?!"

Tony groans "It was a whole thing."  

***

By the time Tony has finished explaining his headache is mostly gone but he's going to get another from the "you are a moron" glare Pepper is giving him.

"Tony..."

"I know." He says miserably "I know I fucked up I'm actually...here" he pulls up the plans for Steve's new shield "I'm gonna try to fix it." 

Pepper actually looks surprised, in a gentle, content kind of way "There's the Tony I know." She says, as if somehow smoothing things over is more characteristic of him than fucking them up in the first place. 

"And love." He smirks "There's the Tony you know, and love." 

"Keep dreaming" says Pepper, but her voice is fond. 

  



	11. Pessimistic Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhody worries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by a tumblr post by livebloggingmydescentintomadness.tumblr.com in which a tweet expresses Rhodey's entire life.

When Pepper calls and explains that Tony has had yet another meltdown, Rhodey tells himself that he is surprised. Tony was doing better. (He wasn't) Things were okay.  (They weren't). But hey, sue him, he's been trying to get used to wearing those stupid uncomfortable legs or whatever. Shit. He was there when Tony got the letter. He'd hoped...maybe that would be the start of something better. Apparently not. Tony is still buried in his own nose-dive as per usual. On the bright side, he actually agrees to Rhodey coming over tonight to hang out. 

Rhodey is over at Tony's place pretty quickly. Tony is still trying to convince him to move in, probably because the tower is especially empty when he's not on speaking terms with most of his friends. If they can even be called that. Things between Tony and the other avengers have always been tense, but he seems to think of them as freinds because, if Rhodey's being honest, outside of himself Tony doesn't exactly have a great frame of reference. Obadiah certainly only made things worse. No doubt Tony is going to want to go out and party to avoid feeling or thinking anything.

When he gets to Stark tower the lights are mostly off and Tony has so many holograms open over each-other that they're a complete jumble of nonsense. Oh boy. This is actually somehow worse. 

"Hey" Tony has his press smile on.

"Really, hey?"

"What?"

"You look like you're dying." Rhodey says skeptically. 

"Thanks. It's the moisturizer." Tony says flatly. 

"C'mon, lets get outta the house."

"Tower. Tower not house. There's a difference."

"Look man, whatever this is it's becoming a prison. I think I'm starting to see what Pepper meant."

"Traitor." says Tony, although it's unclear who he means. 

"C'mon, let's do kareoke."

Tony sighs "I'm working."

"No." Rhodey waves away the holograms "You're getting pizza and going to karaoke."

"Alright let's go." Says Tony as if he's been drafted into some sort of war. 

***

It's 1:00 a.m. and Tony and Rhodey are singing, or, to be more accurate, screaming the lyrics to "Build Me Up Buttercup". The background music is almost louder than their mutually terrible voices. Tony is attempting some sort of ridiculous dance.  Vision is attempting to play along but doesn't really seem to understand the exercise. By the time "All The Small Things" rolls around though, he seems to have gotten into it. His voice is, if possible, even more off key than either Tony or Rhodey's. Halfway through the song a food fight breaks out and Rhodey absolutely dominates. Right now, things are pretty okay. 


	12. Want the Best for Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nat is having emotions this is probably not going to be a happy chapter sorry

"Are we still friends?"

"Depends on how hard you hit me." 

He had been smiling. 

She had tried not to hold back. 

But she helped. That has to count for something doesn't it?

Nat wishes she could say she was surprised, but she had seen this coming, she just hadn't wanted to. She had wanted to think the Avengers were some kind of stupid family or something. Or at least Clint. They had a shared safe-house. Multiple actually. They even had a few cover-houses together. She hasn't gone back to any of those. She's in the Singh house now. In Nepal. It's one of the nicer ones. Fully underground. Fully hidden. Old faded curtains that an old woman would probably pick out. 

Her allies are gone. 

Who is she kidding?

Her friends. 

She's such a stupid little girl. 

_Friends._

The Black Widow doesn't need friends. 

She throws another knife at the wall. Right into the water-spot.

Perfect. 

Steve is in Wakanda. 

Cell phones don't work down here but she'll get a new burner when she leaves and maybe she'll text him. 

Nah. He escaped. He's gone now. He's not an Avenger. He doesn't have to deal with her and she won't make him. 

She could talk to Tony but she's still pissed. He broke her family. Wait no he--

Screw it he broke her family. 

Clint is gone. 

Clint is gone. 

But maybe he's okay. 

Maybe the rest are too. 

That's comforting enough that she can rest a little. 


	13. Crime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> T'Challa doesn't trust Nat

Nat shows up one morning, sitting calmly at the table with no explanation. It's the sort of thing that annoys Steve a bit, but that he's learned is one of those Nat things that is not going to change. "Hey, Nat." 

"Hello." Her usual cryptic smile is in place. 

Steve pours three bowls of cereal and sits down across from her. "Any reason for the visit."

Nat shrugs "It's been a while. Figure I'd make sure you hadn't killed each-other yet."

Bucky slinks into the room. He doesn't show any response to that but Steve has learned enough to know that will set him off. "Of course not." Steve says.

"Look, when are you and Tony gonna be done with your little dick measuring contest?" 

Steve shrugs "I'm already done. It's over whenever he's ready." 

Nat sighs "I thought so."

An alarm finally goes off somewhere. 

Nat stands and gives them both a nod. 

T'Challa bursts in, in his Black Panther suit minus the mask, claws out. "Romanov, what is the meaning of this?"

Nat shrugs. "Call it a diplomatic mission."

"I usually have a bit more warning for those." T'Challa steps carefully toward her. "What do you want here."

"Social call." Admits Nat.

T'Challa seems to take this as some sort of snarky reply though. He growls.

Steve breaks in. "It really is." He vouches, although, knowing Nat, that could be only half of it. "She just came to check up on us. It's been a while. That's just Nat."

T'Challa retracts his claws with deliberate anger. He leans in close to her. "I still do not trust you." He says, and turns to leave. 


	14. Everything is Upsetting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve mourns what he has lost

Steve stares down at the blank page of his sketchbook. He wants to enjoy it...he does...there had been a time when drawing was the best thing in the world. He just...doesn't care about it anymore. At all. He can barely care about the drawings he's already done. Steve sighs and tosses the sketchbook back down onto his bed. He should box, that always makes him feel better but his energy is just...no...he curls back into bed. He hasn't been out in a few weeks now. This is so stupid. He has no reason to be tired. He gets plenty of sleep. He has no reason to be sad. He has everything. Well, no. Peggy is dead. The commandos are all still dead. And Bucky's annoying little sister. And the old lady who used to live above their apartment and always wanted to talk. And everyone. Everyone but him and Bucky. They are all dead. And really, if he was counting the bad days, Steve is the only one who is still from...before. It isn't the same. It isn't even close. Bucky isn't the same. He wants to be happy to have Bucky back. He wants to say "anythings enough" and he knows that if he lost Bucky, he'd say that in a second, desperate to have him back but...this isn't enough. It isn't the same. 

Steve briefly drifts into a particularly dark fantasy...

But no. If he did that,

1\. it would hurt, and 

2\. he wouldn't be there to look out for Bucky. 

He  _still_  can't get drunk. Or high, probably. Awesome. So the plan is to just sit here then and hope that at some point he'll stop feeling like shit. Wow. Great plan. Can really see why you'd put him in charge of the Avengers. At least that won't be a problem any more. 

He can't do shit. If the world was ending tomorrow, he'd rush in to save it and Tony would probably arrest him or something. 

He can't save anyone. He couldn't save Bucky when he fell and he can't save him now no matter how hard he's trying. Bucky isn't talking much these days iether. He sort of just sits there staring at Steve, eats at mealtimes, and goes to the therapist. He's like one of those sims from that stupid game Sam likes for some unknowable reason. 

Steve pulls up his laptop. Somehow, he winds up staring at a bunch of different pages about the commandos. About Peggy. 

Most of them got old and died. Heart failure. Cancer. He loses track. He notices that Dum Dum died of liver failure, which sounds about right. He got old. Things took a toll on him. He died. 

Steve can't help seeing this as some parallel world. Like if he could just get back where he belongs, the place in time he belongs, where things are still running along, it's been a year so Dum Dum is...capturing Hydra bases. 1943. If Steve could just get back. But he can't. Time isn't really running side by side, at least, not for any practical purposes. Dum Dum is dead. Jim is dead. They're all dead. They won the war without him. They celebrated without him. They got married and had kids and got old and died without him. 

Steve missed out on that. 

He wonders if he even ages still. 

Maybe if he gets lucky he'll finally die of old age. Luckier and he'll be called in as an avenger. Tony could take him up on his offer and then he goes out a hero or something. Fighting some big monster or something and he's a hero and everyone thinks they know him and they have a big funeral that he'd hate. But he won't have to see it. 

Steve falls asleep thinking about that. 

***

When he wakes up he has texts from Sam. 

A bunch of concerned stuff about how he doesn't really leave his room anymore. 

"Don't worry. I'm all good. :-)" Steve texts back and hopes that Sam will just leave him alone.

He can't go for a run or something right now. He can't. 

He turns to Bucky "You eaten recently?"

Bucky shrugs. 

"C'mon, you should eat something."

Steve forces himself to get up and start up the stove. He puts some water on to boil. When it finally starts bubbling Steve turns to Bucky. "Can you put the spaghetti in?" He says. He just doesn't wanna get up. 

Bucky gets up and heads over to the stove. Steve can't even move. 

Bucky serves Steve a plate too and Steve picks at it but manages to finish it. He should really do the dishes but he just tucks it under his bed. He can't do this right now.

All his friends are dead, or stuck here because he got them labeled war criminals, or staring right at him and unrecognizable and he can't do this right now. 


	15. Why Doesn't Anyone Understand How I Feel

Bucky sits in bed, staring at the ceiling. Steve is busy with one mental breakdown after another. It's like he can't even see how much it is shaking Bucky, seeing that. How is it someone could see right through to him when he couldn't even see himself, but the clearer things got, the less Steve seemed to understand? 

Steve is always so maddeningly careful. Except he never actually does anything. He just hymns and haws and leaves them right at square one. 

He has told Steve he isn't worth all this, and he'd think Steve had finally recognized that except he still throws a fit whenever cryo comes up, and he still worries all the time and he still cries when he thinks Bucky can't hear him. It's a fucking joke. So Bucky stares up at the ceiling and waits for another day to pass. And then he will stare at the ceiling and wait for the next day. Then the next and the next and the next.  

Steve doesn't get it, but then, of course he can't. Steve is Captain America for chrissakes. He has no idea what it was to be a monster. He doesn't even think Bucky is one he thinks Bucky is...Bucky.

It is amazing how Steve doesn't seem to notice how grating that name is. It is a mockery. A taunt. Obviously. It sounds wrong. The problem is, James sounds wronger, and the worst of all is "Soldier" or "Winter Soldier" or any other of the various things that refer to what he has become. Even if they are honest, they are worse. The truth s, there is no nice word for what he is now. He doesn't belong here, next to Steve, and he can't imagine being anywhere else. 

He is a joke, is what he is, and Steve wakes up every morning like he wasn't, like everything is normal, or could be, at least, and Bucky, or James, or whatever, is losing his mind. 

And for some reason, Steve doesn't notice. 

There was a time that Bucky couldn't blink different without somebody noticing and _doing_ something. Sure that something was generally pretty painful but it was  _something_. He wasn't a person then but he was  _something._

The truth is, as little sense as it made, he hadn't been afraid with...them. With Steve, he is terrified. 

Steve makes him angry for not being a million times what he had hoped for. Steve will move close to him and he will flinch. The Winter Soldier didn't flinch. And then Steve will pull back and it will be like everything is falling and no matter how fair it is it is awful. 

 And Steve has the nerve to sit there looking  _sad_ and  _worried_ and so so  _concerned_ and do  _nothing._


	16. The Rags Are My Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony tries to get over Pepper by rebounding

So Pepper is completely done with him. Or they're about to get back together. Or she wants to keep it professional? Or what? Whatever it is, it's driving Tony nuts. If she could just _decide_ whether or not she hated his guts, that would be nice. But She's Pepper so of course she's completely unreadable. Pepper's always been like that. It's what makes her so damn sexy, and also terrifying. Sexy and terrifying. It's like she's constantly shifting between perfect girlfriend and ax murderer. Or maybe she's just the perfect ax murderer girlfriend. Personally, Tony would prefer not to be ax murdered. Or that was the case until he completely flushed his life down the toilet...again. He's tried sending her gifts, but again, she's Pepper, so of course none of them have been good enough. Necklaces. Earrings. Those shoes she kept talking about. None of it has actually gotten her back so far, but she hasn't stopped talking completely so there must be  _something_. Tony needs to get out of the tower. Stop thinking about this. Go somewhere. Do something. Maybe find another girl who won't be so damn impossible. Someone who will fake-giggle at all the annoyingly scripted moments and then go home in the morning. 

"JARVIS, What are my plans for tonight?"

"You have no plans for tonight."

"Great. Cancel that." Tony says, because pretending he wasn't listening is less embarrassing than admitting how bad that stings. 

"Of course, sir." JARVIS says. Typical JARVIS

***

The club smells like sweat and too much of too many colognes. It's more expensive than almost anyone can afford, sure, but it's still well bellow Tony's usual standards. Somewhere no one will expect him to show up. Somewhere just being Iron Man will do most of his talking for him. He slides up next to a pretty mass of dark hair and curves with her back to him. "Hey, Tony Stark, can I buy you a drink, a bar, maybe a small island?"

The woman turns around. "Tony?!" 

"OhmygodNat" Tony pulls back his hand. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm working!"

"What, here?"

"Obviously, here." 

"Jeezus, what... Is that a wig?" 

"Yes." Natasha hisses "Now could you keep it down?"

"Alright, sorry, sorry." Tony wanders back into the crowd to dance.

Before long a couple pretty women (a redhead and a blonde, both dyed) wander up and start asking weird personal fangirl questions about the arc reactor that he mostly avoids by redirecting everything into innuendos. 

The women prod at his chest uncomfortably, but they're hot so he'll allow it. 

Time to put the playboy back in playboy philanthropist. 

***

Tony wakes up because someone is poking at the reactor. His eyes fly open and he immediately scrambles back.

The redhead appears unfazed "oh, you're awake." She says. Yeah. No shit he's awake. 

"Where's...where's Melody?"

"Melanie? She's watching Tv in the other room I think. Why?" 

"Just. Ugh just gimme a second. I...I gotta shower."

"Can I come with?" 

"Sorry no, I need to like...actually shower."

She frowns.

Tony locks the bathroom door behind him and his brief moment of relief is swept away. So now the fucking psychopath is loose in his house. Great. Okay, psychopath is a strong word. He's barely spoken to her. Ugh. Now that that's over, her annoyingness has somehow gotten worse. She was terrible, too. Or maybe she just wasn't Pepper or something. Ugh. Feelings. Gross.

***

He grabs his phone before the redhead can turn it into some sort of naked flag football game or something and texts Pepper.

"Help." 

"???"

"I can't get them to leave. It's..." He checks. shit. "It's like 5 p.m."

"I'm aware of the time."

"Yeah well I wasn't. All I know is I keep dropping hints and they aren't getting it."

"Why can't you just tell them to leave??"

"They're psychopaths."

There is a pause while Pepper types. The dots on the screen undulate. 

"How many?"

"Just 2" 

"Fine. I'll be over in a minute."

 

 


	17. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is 100% done with everyone's shit.

Sam is 100% done with everyone's shit. He's done with Steve isolating himself and Bucky moping around refusing to say what's wrong. He's done with Tony and Steve fighting and pretending to still be angry. He needs a vacation. He should relax a little. Wakanda is basically perfect, and he's got a pretty sweet setup with literal actual royalty covering everything for him. This could be good. He should...And that's when the fantasy stops and leaves Sam staring up at the ceiling. Because what would he even do with himself? And beyond that, he may need a vacation, but he knows perfectly well that he's not going to take it. As long as Steve has his martyr complex and Bucky is trying to survive more or less, Sam is not going to relax. He could. He won't. So never then. He helps people with this kind of thing all the time. It's not even like he's blind to it, but once Captain America,  _and_ your close personal friend that-idiot-Steve need your help, you help. The truth was, if he took his own advice he probably wouldn't be any kind of therapist. He'd use the whole Wakanda thing to retire. He'd never worry again. But that wouldn't be half as much fun as meaning something. The problem is that meaning generally leads to complications. 

And so, he should forget it all. He should take a nap, listen to some music, relax. But what he's  _going_ to do is, he's going to go back in, try to get Steve out of bed. Make something to eat for him and Bucky since they don't even seem to be feeding themselves. Try to convince them that showers, deodorant, and toothbrushes are feasible. And, if things go especially well, try to get Steve to go for a run. He'll ask Bucky along too, but that does not mean he is hoping that Bucky actually shows up. 


	18. My Face

"Thanks" Tony carefully spares only a glance at Pepper. It's hard to look back at the video game. She's perfect. 

"Tony." Ignore her just a little more.  "Tony." Steady steady. "Tony!" She gently steps in front of the screen and pushes the controller down. 

"What's up?" He asks.

"Don't do this again. It's childish and it's beneath you."

"What is?" 

"Don't pretend. You and I both know that you could have gotten rid of them on your own, but then I wouldn't have to show up here, and see them."

"Pepper..."

"I'm leaving Tony. I won't be coming back. Don't call me. Oh also, you can handle the company on your own. I quit." To her credit, she doesn't look away as she says any of it. He does and then back and then away, again and again, and always, she is staring him down so much that he can  _feel_ it, heavy on his back even when he turns away. 

That's another thing that makes Pepper perfect he thinks, as the door shuts behind her. 


	19. Guess I'm out of ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tw: panic

Bucky doesn't move. His breathe is shallow, panting, not enough, and he can't...he can't...but it's quiet. It's quiet. This can't last. He's going to snap. Again. He isn't. He doesn't have this. He isn't him. The world is suddenly faint and shadowy. Not like dark, like if there was still shadow and light but all the real actual _things_ themselves had disappeared somehow. He's falling back, like on the train or those rides at...what rides? What? And Then and then and then...he's gasping for breath. It's like the whole room is made of water and he's drowning. He's drowning. He opens his mouth and he can't say anything. He can't even seem to breathe. Air is going in, air is coming out. It isn't like breathing though. He squirms. His eyes are tearing up, somewhere. Where is...? Where is...is...Bucky is not screaming on the inside. Screaming is for when you can breathe. Screaming is for when you can scream and the act itself, or the thought is something you have enough...enough of _something_ that he can't quite place to do. He sits there. For so long. He is falling. He is on the ground, watching some shredded piece of flesh that used to belong to him. There is wind behind him. It's perfectly still. The room is full of water. He can't breathe. Where is Steve? 

It all swirls around in his head. It doesn't go away so much as it fades. And Bucky still has not moved. He is lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, eyes watering. 

He is still a danger. It's hopeless anyway. 


	20. The Fun Size Package of Death

"I can't do this anymore."

"What?"

"I...I need cryo I..." Bucky is curled in on himself. "I need it."

"Bucky...what? No. You...you don't need it you--"

"Well I want it." Bucky cuts him off. 

Steve looks so scared "Bucky...please...I...I can't be alone."

"Not forever, Steve, just...just until they know how to fix me, okay?"

"I..." Steve looks like he might cry.

Bucky pulls him into a hug. 

"Stop leaving." 

"I can't."

T'Challa is alerted to the decision by the end of the day, and by the end of the next, a cryo-tube is ready. Until then, they stay close together. They cuddle on Steve's ugly bed. It's hard to say who this is hitting harder. They speak very little. The two days seem indistinct and connected. Just one long, winding but achingly short period of time spent trying to find something to say. They trace each-others hands, or the edges of Steve's phone in quiet. Sometimes, when Bucky is lying on the bed and Steve is sitting beside him, he plays with Bucky's hair. It is terrifying, being so close to Steve. Having Steve lean against him, but it is a good kind of terrifying. It's awful, but it's air and Bucky breathes it. Any second it feels like it could backfire. Steve could morph into some Hydra agent and twist and hurt and it'll turn out Bucky never left. But it doesn't. Steve just sits there and plays with his hair and smiles like his heart is breaking. Bucky shudders every time Steve shifts. The air is electric with unspoken goodbyes. Unspoken things that there are no words for anyway. Bucky used to be good at talking. He used to know what to say. He used to cheer Steve up with some stupid in-joke. He doesn't remember the in-jokes now. They're there, they're so close. If he looked at his notebooks they'd be in there, somewhere, listed and noted and incidents of use listed here and there maybe, in his spidery handwriting. It'd be there. But his notebooks are across the room, and it doesn't have the same feel reading aloud as speaking from memory anyway, and Steve is here, leaning against him and frowning but here. So Bucky traces his thumb over Steve's and it's better than rifling through a notebook and grasping at crumbling pebbles of memory but it's also too bright and too here and too real and too much and it is thrumming through him, that this is real this is real this is real, and he's giving it up. 

  


	21. I Am Gone

As usual, Pepper's promise to stay away is only half true. She is still not CEO and she doesn't reappear or anything but she calls. It's embarrassing how quickly Tony scrambles to pick up the phone. He hopes in vain that JARVIS wasn't paying attention to that. 

"Pepper?" 

"Hey Tony"

"It's..." Tony cuts himself off before he says something sappy "What's up?" He settles back onto the couch.

"I just...I wanted to see if you were doing alright." 

"Yeah...yeah I'm great." Tony says without thinking. He is, at the moment, after all. He wasn't at all okay thirty seconds ago, but that's in the past. 

"Tony?"

"No...No really I am. I...I am." His brain is not moving at it's usual speed.

"Okay...I just...I heard you were moving?"

Tony grabs at the topic change "Yeah...Yeah new building. Tower was starting to feel empty."

"Yeah." She says "Yeah. Hey maybe you could show me around the new place sometime."

"Yes. Absolutely. Sure." Tony is shaking ever so slightly. This is amazing. It's impossible to say why he's panicking. But he is. Shit. Shit. Shit. He can't do this. Not right now. His breath is seizing up. He pulls his knees in to his chest but that puts his feet on the couch. Everything is jumbled. He slides off of the couch. 

"Tony?? Are you there?"

"What? yeah sorry. You were saying?"

"I was saying how about not this weekend but the next? Friday?"

"Yeah. Sure."

"Are you alright?" No. He can't breathe. The world has gone disjointed and is cut into pieces at odd angles that slide against each-other like some ridiculous stained-glass window art or some-shit. "Just. Sorry can you just..."

Somehow, Pepper, being Pepper, instantly knows what to do "It's gonna be fine Tony. I'm not angry anymore, okay? We're good. I...am not mad anymore. Okay?"

Tony draws in a breathe. It isn't so much the words themselves, just that she's saying them, holding something in him to reality by keeping his focus. "Yeah." He breathes again. "Okay."

 


	22. I Hurt You, Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper being Pepper

He isn't fully moved in yet, but Pepper is here. "So then, this idiot kid, who I'm just trying to help by the way," Tony rants "Goes and tries to fight the bird dude and--"

Pepper cuts him off "I'm sorry, Tony" 

"About the Bird Dude?"

"About overreacting." She's so close to him now. She's everything.

"It's fine."

"I hurt you, Tony."

"I hurt you first."

"Yeah, maybe a little." They're dancing now, swaying back and forth to no music whatsoever. JARVIS, thank god, has not been installed here yet, and so cannot make any teasing comments or start playing jazz or something. 

"Does this mean I'm forgiven?"

Pepper laughs "You're getting there." 


	23. Engagement Ring

They're back together now. Officially. And everything is absolutely perfect. Pepper has been gently nagging him to do things like sleep and eat and for once that isn't quite as awful a prospect. She doesn't accept his proposal when Spider Boy bails on the press, but then, it was more a potential pr move than anything else. Once Spider Boy is gone, and the press release is over Pepper turns to him. "When you propose to me, don't make it about the papers."

Tony scoffs "Who uses paper?"

But everything is warm and beautiful and he feels so incredibly alive. 


	24. Marry Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well folks, we are officially at the tipping point from angst to fluff. With all the groundwork laid, this chapter marks the beginning of the primary "comfort" portion of this hurt/comfort fic.

 Pepper is right. Tony isn't going to propose to her as some fodder for the press. He's going to do it in private. On his roof. With a plan. He sets up a date for them on Saturday. His gut is storming. What if she says no? What if she _leaves_?  He should forget all about this right now. He doesn't. Instead he starts going over the details in his head. He knows Pepper well enough to know that he needs to get this right. She's the sort of person who's definitely given this some thought, however much she might insist that she never daydreams. He's going to do this. Every time he looks at his life he realizes more and more, the places he goes wrong tend to line up with the places Pepper isn't there to set him straight. 

Pepper is looking at a wedding magazine and sipping a coffee when he gets up to make breakfast. She doesn't look at him, but she wears a knowing smile when he glances towards her. 

A few weeks later Pepper somehow works the conversation around to her ring size. It seems so natural that it takes Tony a few minutes to register the hint she just dropped. He resizes the ring himself. 

He has no chance of surprising Pepper with his proposal, not if he wants to plan it too. He knows that much. 

He would propose on top of the tower, but it's a ways away now that he isn't living there. He briefly considers organizing a getaway to a private beach somewhere, only to realize that Pepper would feel the need to plan the trip, which would not exactly put her in the right mindset. It still isn't a terrible idea. He'll just need to make the vacation a surprise one. He settles on taking her to the Stark Resort in Paris, which she's always liked. He closes the place to visitors for the month, which is difficult without Pepper's help, but he gets Jarvis to do most of the heavy lifting, with the exception of a few phone calls.    

***

The vacation is going perfectly. Tony is fairly certain he just heard Pepper giggle, which is not something Pepper does easily. The garden is glowing with lights and flowers and Pepper is dancing in the little courtyard area and spinning in circles. It's rare to see Pepper genuinely carefree, but she is now, and it's absolutely beautiful. 

Tony gulps. This is impossible. How is he supposed to do this? He isn't doing this right?

"Um...Pepper?"

"Yes?" She turns around and actually _jumps_ when she realizes Tony is on his knee, holding a ring.

"So...obviously I'm not...the best with words but..."

Her eyes are glowing. Her smile tells him to keep going. Somehow it still seems impossible, but looking at her, he does. "I...Pepper you...I...I never thought I could be really happy until I met you and...and you keep me sane which is...I mean...I'm not marrying you just for that or something I just...you are the most amazing, perfect woman in the world. I know I don't deserve you, in fact, I don't know what I'm doing this is stupid anyways but--"

"Yes!"

"Yes?"

"Yes!"

"Tony quietly leans away to hit a button. Somewhere out of the way happy announces "hit it" and fireworks are launched into the sky. 


	25. Going Back

Tony sets up the meeting in Wakanda as covertly as possible. He's known for a while that that's where Steve is. He can't say that obviously, but he explains that he's giving "T'Challa" a new model of sheild based on Captain America's and the general idea is recieved.  Somehow, he does not expect Steve to actually meet him. T'Challa is there too, of course, which makes things better, probably? But yeah, Steve is sitting there, in the agreed upon location. He isn't sure what he expects, but somehow "Hey, Tony. It's good to see you." Isn't it. At least Pepper is here with him. 

"Yeah well, anyways, I figured you could use this." He hands over the sheild. Steve looks relieved and happy and grateful and god, this is so fucking uncomfortable. 

"Yeah...anyways...I should go." Tony says. 

"Are you sure?" Cap's voice is hopeful "I've missed you." 

God, he needs to get out of here. "Yeah...I uh...I actually sort of missed you too...I mean...who wouldn't you're uh, you're Captain America so...uh...yeah." Well spoken. Fuck.  

Pepper breaks the silence. "Maybe we could stay a few hours...It might be nice to celebrate in Wakanda." 

"Celebrate?" Steve leans forward and seems to notice the ring for the first time. 

"Congratulations." T'challa says "And thank you for the sheild on behalf of me and Wakanda herself. If you would be interested in vacationing here you are welcome to stay for a few weeks. The palace has several guest rooms."

"Tony?" Pepper looks hopeful.

"Uh...yeah great?" Fucking fuck why did he agree to that?

Pepper smiles and gives him a quick kiss. Oh. Right. That. Okay, fair. 

T'Challa sends out the request on his phone and makes a quick note that the rooms should still be reasonably far from the hidden cryo-chamber as well as Captain America's room.  His smile is at least mostly  genuine though when he says "It is good to see that the Avengers are finally at peace." 

 


	26. That happened

 The majority of the Avengers (with the exception of Bruce, Thor, and Natasha) are eating dinner together for the first time in a while. 

"Steve," Pepper's voice is just slightly too casual, "Can I get your help in the kitchen?"

"Yeah, sure." Steve says and gets up. When they reach the other room, Steve is actually about to ask what's up but before he can Pepper is talking. 

"I expect you to apologize too."

"What?"

"You left him to die out there."

"I called you."

"And what if I hadn't made it fast enough? What if he had died before I could reach him? You owe me, and more importantly Tony an apology. That was unacceptable. You're going to go out there and you're going to tell Tony that you're sorry, what it is you did wrong, and that it won't happen again. Are we clear?" 

Steve is suddenly reminded of his mother. "Yeah. Yeah you're right Pepper. I'm sorry, I'll talk to him after dinner, okay?"

"Good." Says Pepper, and steps back. "Now lets get this pie on the table."

 

*** 

 

The food is great, but somehow, Steve isn't hungry anymore. She's right. He doesn't know how he'd forgotten he did that for so long. What is wrong with him? After Dinner, he makes his way over to Tony "Hey, can I talk to you?"

"Sure thing, Capsicle, what's up?" If he knows where this is going, he isn't letting on at all.

"I need...I need to apologize." Steve wants to look at the floor but he forces himself to meet Tony's eyes "I left you out there."

Tony looks hurt all over again "Pepper said you called--"

"I did." Steve says quickly "but...but that wasn't enough. You...you still could have" He notices that he's looking at the floor again and rolls his shoulders. Head back up. Meet Tony's eyes. "You still could have died, Tony. I'm sorry. I should never have left you out there like that. From here on out, I have your back. I promise. If there's anything I can do to make it up to you--"

Before he can finish Tony turns to the Avengers and yells "CAP ADMITTED HE DID SOMETHING WRONG. CAPTAIN AMERICA ISN'T PERFECT ANYMORE. HE SAID SO AND EVERYTHING." He turns back smugly to Steve and gives him a friendly slap on the arm "We're cool, Capsicle." 


	27. Out of the pattern

It's about a week later that Tony tells Steve "I think I may have a solution to the whole 'brainwashed hydra bestie situation'."

"What?"

"Not like...A good solution but...it's something. I've been refining BARF, taking notes, I think I've got it working, more or less."

"Seriously?" 

"Yeah, I mean...yeah. If, if you'd take it."

"Of course, Tony." Steve pulls him into a hug. Tony pats Cap awkwardly on the back. 

"Yeah yeah totally. I'm awesome." He pulls himself away.

Steve's eyes are watering. "Thank you, Tony"

"Thank me when it works." 


	28. Daydreams

 Tony (on Pepper's advice) decides it's best not to be there when they bring Bucky back out. The cryo-tube pans up quietly and Steve does his best not to physically jump up and down. He has a passing thought about the horrible things he'd do to Pierce if Pierce were still alive, and then shakes himself back to the present. 

Bucky is blinking slowly. "Hey Buck" Steve's voice is soft.

Bucky is limp against the padded table "Did they fix it?" His voice is so hopeful. 

"We're going to." Steve says. "Tony and I made up. He wants to help."

Bucky is silent for almost a whole minute..."You trust him?" 

"Yeah. I trust him."

"Okay then." 

T'Challa gives them another few minutes to catch up before he steps forward. "I am glad to see you awake again" He congratulates.

"Thanks." Bucky says. His voice is still quiet and tired. 

He ends up napping with Steve for most of the rest of the day. Steve is too excited to actually fall asleep. He sits next to where Bucky is wrapped in warm blankets on his bed, curled up next to Steve like a cat. Steve cuddles up to him and brushes Bucky's thumb, or his hair or just holds him. He's here. He's here. He's here. The world is right side up again and it's been so, so long. 

Steve hold Bucky close and imagines digging his thumbs into Pierces eyes. He wishes he could just focus on the moment entirely, and he mostly does, but not entirely. It's still just about perfect: Bucky is here, safe, with him and the sun is a gentle sort of warm and the world is lazy and bright. 

Steve falls asleep happy and doesn't dream. When he wakes up, it's only been a few hours, still not far past midday, and Bucky is still there. 

 


	29. Forgiving

On top of the B.A.R.F. sessions and everything, Bucky ends up deciding he still wants to see Akachi. It's strangely become a sort of relief. It's like when he's in her office, the rest of the world is put on hold. It is somehow even more reassuring to see that she is still sitting in the same chair she always is when he gets there. Like she had stood still with him. 

"It's good to see you again." She greets. It sounds genuine, though it can't be. Bucky guesses that's what T'Challa pays her for. It's an ugly thought. 

"You too." He says, because he does not feel like challenging her. She is not intimidating in a physical sense. She's like Pepper though, almost. There is something immovable and powerful about her. 

She just sits back and waits for him to start. Oh shit. No. She can see it on his face. His disdain. He's losing it. He has been since he decided to go into cryo. He's losing it. Shit. He shudders down to the couch and curls in on himself. 

"Sorry. Sorry." He doesn't know why he's shaking. Shit. Why the fuck is he so pathetic? Well, it's not like that's new. "I'm sorry okay I just?" 

She leans forward, she looks confused "What for?" This...this is a fucking test. He knows a fucking test when he sees one? Right? She wants him to come clean. Apologize. Explain in detail. Shit. He can't breathe. He can't do this. He's the Winter Soldier. He can do things no human being should even imagine. He can't do this. Fuck. What the fuck is wrong with him. 

She is still waiting for an answer. Cards on the table. "I don't know."

She leans back "I think..." She says "maybe you are beginning to process everything you have been through, and it's hitting you hard right now." 

Yeah. That. He shudders. Oh damn. He's crying. God, he's so weak. He doesn't stop though. He's lying on the couch instead of sitting, like he's in some sort of  _cartoon_ about a therapist session which makes him laugh too, and therefore makes him look even crazier than he already does. 

She passes him a box of tissues and he doesn't use any, but he holds it close, like he's a girl with a doll or something. Wow. Great. Really magnificent. Oh. Okay. 

"Aren't" He cuts himself off before he can snap at her. He was going to ask "aren't you going to say something?" but that'd be pretty rude, really.  He heaves in a shakey breath "Sor-y-Sorry" He says. 


	30. Agreeable

 Bucky shuffles out of the office feeling worse than he did when he went in. Isn't this supposed to help? It's just stirring up his problems. Whatever, if they say it will help, it will help, or at least it will do whatever it's supposed to, which he's pretty unclear on at this point. Steve is concerned again, which is still driving Bucky fucking insane but he doesn't say anything. Steve throws his arms around Bucky in a hug. Bucky wants to lean into it. He couldn't say why he doesn't. "Why don't we snuggle and watch some bad tv?" Steve suggests. 

"Yeah. Okay." He says. What he really wants is to be back in cryo but there's no way Steve will agree to that now that B.A.R.F. is working and Bucky is getting better. The name still sounds clunky and wrong. James might fit but it sounds pretentious. Everything sounds fucking pretentious. Steve turns on some unwatcheable sitcom and snuggles up to Bucky. He can feel the worry Steve is radiating with, but doesn't know what to say. He's fine. He snuggles closer to Steve, and that at least gets a momentary smile. 

 

In fact, the more he thinks about it, the stupider it was to worry. Or be upset. Or whatever. Because the more he thinks about it, the better things really are. Sure, life is tough. Yeah, there's a part of him that misses the simplicity of Hydra. But he's here, with his best friend in the world and things are probably most likely going to be mostly okay. 

***

Steve is in a better mood the next day. He's enthusiastic and awake early in the morning. Bucky is barely awake when Steve asks "Hey, do you wanna go on a run with me and Sam today?" 

"Alright." Bucky says. His eyes aren't quite open yet but he drags himself out of bed. Going on a run actually sounds awesome right now, to be honest. He hasn't really  _done_ anything just for the hell of it in way too long. 

He goes to put on his gear. Steve actually laughs "You're kidding right?" 

The mask is already on so he just gives Steve a questioning look. 

"I mean...look...Buck you don't" Steve looks sad "You don't have to wear that." 

Actually, he doesn't feel great about going to hang out with Sam, who is weird and grumpy, without the gear but that probably would come off as creepy. Steve has a point. He peels off the mask "Yeah...yeah fine." He says. 

***

The run is amazing. He's outside again, and he's actually keeping up with Steve. Sam seems gratified to see Bucky actually outpace Steve a few times, and teases Steve about it a lot. Steve is...Steve looks good. He's golden in the Wakandan sunlight and his running shirt is tight.  Bucky looks away and keeps running. 

 

 

 


	31. Friendly

He can't freak out again like yesterday. He's supposed to be getting better, not wallowing. Stark is working on an arm that won't hurt like this one does. He's supposed to be excited about this, and not creeped the fuck out. He wouldn't be chicken shit about stupid things if he were doing better. The best he can do is to fake it 'til he makes it. He slaps on a smile and acts excited. "Lab day?" He asks. Steve seems surprised by his mood but nods. 

"Yeah. He said he had some genius idea last night or, this morning technically I guess." 

"Can we get my hair cut today? It's getting way too long. I look like a girl." He laughs and Steve smiles a little. 

"Yeah alright. I'm sure there are plenty of people who could do that."

"Real people?"

"Real people?" Steve echoes

"Hair people" Bucky gestures vaguely

Steve laughs "Yeah real people. I'm sure T'Challa can afford to spring for a good barber or something."

***

The most frustrating thing about the day is acting excited when he's bored out of his fucking mind. He drifts from place to place and wishes he were doing anything vaguely interesting, though he can't think what. He genuinely doesn't care what his hair looks like, so he's not overly broken up to see it go if it's something that the real him would be happy about. He pretends to be excited about how B.A.R.F. works and makes jokes about the name that are, to his credit, genuinely funny to him. He cracks Tony up, which is probably good. 

Tony looks like Howard when he laughs. 

It's nice to see that laugh again. Everyone listens to laughs but no one pays attention to how every person laughs with a different face. 

He flirts with some of the B.A.R.F. technicians in that harmless half-joke way, though he can't help but wish it was Steve.

He's bored out of his mind shooting the shit like this. Steve is so goddamn genuine and that's just life-sapping somehow. Like stabbing at someone only to realize there's no-one there. He doesn't remember that ever happening but maybe it did because the metaphor somehow seems to fit comfortably in his mind. He doesn't know what he wants from Steve. Everything really. And nothing. He wants Steve to snap. And also to not snap and keep acting like this. Everything. Nothing. Impossible. 

 


	32. Kind

He sees Akachi today. She seems to suspect that he no longer totally hates her. Her job is to figure him out so it's not exactly hard to get past her with that. 

"I'm still crazy." He admits. "No one gets that I'm still crazy."

"It can be hard to see what's going on in someone elses mind." Akachi cautions. 

"They could at least try." he snaps. "Not that I want them to."

"You'd prefer they saw you as recovered, even if you don't feel you are?"

"Yeah I guess so." 

"You seem to be doing very well." Akachi admits. 

He is too. Things have been getting steadily better, with the exception of a mild freak out the other day, and even then no one got hurt. 

"Yeah. Tony's barf thing is working, I guess."

Akachi smiles "So why is it you don't feel you're as recovered as everyone else seems to think."

"Things are just..weird. Like, I'll still hear the thoughts, like I'll be sitting there and it's like "kill Steve" or something and I _don't_ but it's still _there_."

Akachi nods "A lot of people suffer from intrusive thoughts."

"Seriously?" 

"Yes. It's very common, and can be scary but isn't always a big deal. As you regain more control over your life and your mind, they should begin to fade. I can help to remind yourself with a little mantra. I had one client who always made a habit of mentally saying or even whispering "No. I'm not going to do that." In response to the thoughts. 

Bucky can't help it. He snorts. 

"That sounds pretty batty. I don't want to whisper to myself like a nut." 

Akachi laughs "Alright. Well, the idea is to find a way of confronting the thoughts, accepting them, and dismissing them."

Oh for fucks sake "I don't want to _accept_  shit that comes from Hydra." 

"That's understandable." 

"So?"

"It's not to say that you accept Hydra, just that you acknowledge what happened so you can move forward."

Bucky rolls his eyes and slumps in the couch. "Can't you ever just talk like a normal person?"

Akachi laughs "Well where would be the fun in that?"

"You wanna go on a date sometime?"

"That would be a breach of policy and not appropriate. I have to keep my clients and my personal life separate."

"Damn" 

Akachi laughs 

"It's a shame you're my therapist, you'd be neat to hang out with." Bucky acknowledges. 

"Thank you."

 


	33. Everything

Tony has never been better. He's engaged to the woman of his dreams. Well no, really, he could never have dreamed someone like Pepper up. Pepper was way cooler than any of Tony's stupid daydreams. Pepper would kick the woman of his dreams' ass. The Avengers are back together. T'Challa is considering joining and the location is more or less here now. The bots have even been delivered, so the whole family is together, complete with Jarvis giving a running sarcastic commentary through Tony's earpiece.  He doesn't even mind the creepy assassin guy following Cap around. It's weird but hey, he's a guy in a flying red suit who fights space aliens and created a giant robotic monster ...so who is he to call someone weird? Things are just...good lately. It's pretty unnerving but it's nice. His anxiety is getting worse, and Pepper wants him to talk to someone or something but he's managing it pretty well. He talks to JARVIS and that's good enough. The search for Bruce is still going and when they find him, he'll make sure to be as annoying as possible and dump all his life problems on his science bro. To be fair, he'll also make sure said Science bro has a good place to Hulk out, plenty of boring philosophical mumbo-jumbo books, and all that shit that he for some reason considers good enough reasons to be friends with Tony.  

 

 


	34. None

It's weird but...things are going pretty well. He's actually sleeping, which is still a novelty, but he's doing it. He has a lot of nightmares, mostly about losing Steve, but sometimes he doesn't dream at all, or the nightmares don't wake him up. He's even had one relatively good dream in which he was on the run, but Steve was there and he had an entire hideout dedicated to storing plums. 

He's leaving the room more, talking to people. Tony has insisted on an Avengers movie night. Bucky had assumed he wasn't invited but Steve dragged him along and no one had had the heart to tell Steve otherwise. Which is why now, on what has been dubbed the "Avengers floor" they are watching some idiotic movie and Clint keeps trying to steal everyone's popcorn instead of getting his own. Bucky could push him away but he doesn't actually care about the popcorn, which is kind of gross anyways, so he lets Clint "win" and feel like he got one over on the Winter Soldier or whatever. The movie is some anime nonsense that Clint picked out just to "troll" Sam, and it seems to be working because Sam is intermittently laughing his ass off  and making jabs at it or complaining about how ridiculous it is. Bucky has to agree, this is pure stupidity. There's something nice about how stupid it is though. The Avengers have so much free-time they can waste it on this bullshit. 

Steve's mood has picked up somehow. Probably because Bucky is doing better. Steve is basically crackling with excitement at having his friend back. It's...actually pretty weird but not in a bad way. This includes snuggling next to Bucky on the couch. It starts with Steve tentatively hovering an arm over Bucky's shoulder's waiting for something. Bucky finally gets it and nods at him, because of course, because this is Steve. He sort of misses the version of the guy who would go out of his way to _annoy_ Bucky or goad him into doing stupid, reckless things, but it's still nice. Anyway, it ends up with Steve curled entirely around Bucky like some bizarre, living shell of worry and contentment. He also notices Clint stealing the popcorn and takes to slapping him away whenever possible. Clint is currently winning though, with 6 successful handfuls out of 8, 7 if you count the one where half the popcorn got dropped on the floor. Clint just stares at that one sadly for a second before going to eat it off the floor, much to the disgust of everyone else. 

 

 


	35. Break

It's out of absolutely nowhere. The memory hits him. They happen like that sometimes. The moment they put him in the room. The door closing. How he screamed at them that he didn't care if they left. How he begged them through the door to come back after a while. How long? Who knows. Who knows how long.  There was no food. No water. He still doesn't know, on the serum, how much time could have passed like that. Alone in that room. He started to wonder if there was any point fighting them, right then. Why bother? They'd win anyway. He was dead. He was breathing and he was alive, but it didn't matter. Because in the end, he was nothing. He was useless. If he was HYDRA's bitch then at least he'd be someone. Someone awful though. He didn't cave that year. Not even that decade, but that was when he knew he was going to. He couldn't live like that. Alone. He'd talked to himself for a while but the words ran out. He was no one. He was no more real than the people he made up to keep him company. One of his imaginary people. It was Steve. He remembers that now. How stupid. Bucky is shaking on the floor now. Steve is leaning over him, looking concerned. "Bucky? Bucky?" 

Bucky lets out a sob and pulls Steve into a hug. They sit there on the floor. Steve is, for once, smart enough to just shut up and hug him. Bucky cries and cries and cries. It's not even that awful a memory. Not the worst he could find if he went looking but it's there and it hurts. 


	36. Makes Me Happy

Pepper stops by the lab to check on Tony. He's been locked up in there all day.

"Oh, hey, Pep"

"You almost ready to come out of there?" Pepper lingers by the door.

"Yeah, yeah sorry." He says "Lost track of time. T'challa has really cool toys. Way better than Stark stuff if I'm being honest but don't tell anyone I said that."

Pepper laughs "Your secret is safe with me." 

A sudden thought seems to strike Tony. "Hey...what if...I mean do you wanna hang out in here while I work? I might not be the best company but..."

Pepper looks surprised for a second but steps into the lab. Tony leans over and gives her a quick kiss on the cheek. 

"This is new." She says. 

"Yeah." Tony shrugs and turns back to meddling with something. "I just...I dunno, I guess I'm trying to be a better fiance or something. Hey check this out!" He gestures to something Pepper can't decipher and she nods politely. 

"I have no idea what that is but I'm sure it's very exciting." It would sound patronizing, but somehow, coming from Pepper, it's just the opposite. She means it.  

"Yeah it's pretty amazing." He turns to her suddenly. "I love you."

"I love you." She echoes. And in a second he is absorbed again in the absolute Wonka factory that is the Wakandan lab. 


	37. Law

That Friday, Movie night, no one really questions it when Nat shows up. It's not like they could have contacted her before now. Somehow she knows that things are alright, or are starting to be and has ventured out to nap on the couch in proximity. She's the human version of a cat, in a lot of ways. T'Challa, the other cat of the household, does not trust her. He has not said it outloud but when he first enters the room he stops short and they spend a few seconds making wary eyecontact before Tony passes between them, carrying a gigantic bowl of popcorn and yells "GET A ROOM" even though it's pretty obvious that that is not what is going on here. 

Nat turns her fond smile on Tony "I missed you too, Stark" she says and settles on the couch. 

Steve notices T'Challa's discomfort and goes to him before they sit down "She's an Avenger. I promise, I know Natasha can be kind of...well, Natasha... but I promise, we can trust her."

"I'll decide that for myself" says T'Challa, but he seems  _slightly_ more comfortable. It's better than nothing. 

Clint, naturally, sits down directly next to her and she leans against him. "Where've you been?" 

"Cleaning up what's left of HYDRA." She shrugs "It's not like you guys were gonna do it. What were you too busy in group therapy?"

Clint shrugs "Hey, we're on vacation for the moment. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it." Nat snorts to show her contempt even though she is definitely going to try it. With SHEILD gone...her options are limited anyway. She curls in on herself.

Clint chooses this moment to burst into a dirty lymrick and everyone except Tony begs him to shut up, though the effect is somewhat undercut by their laughter. 

Tony, on the other hand, is not even pretending to be annoyed and is just egging him on and recording it all on his phone. 

Nat considers breaking his phone to avoid appearing on camera, but decides that, just this once, it is acceptable. Her secrets are already spilled anyway. A video from stupid Avengers Movie Night won't do any harm. 


	38. Forget it

Rhodey moves in after a while too.Which means it's probably time for Tony to grow up and just ask him. He does one night. They're hanging out and no one is around to make fun of him or silently judge so he asks. 

"Hey um...so Pepper and I are getting married soon and I was wondering if you wanted to be the...the thingy."

"The thingy?" Rhodey knows damn well what Tony means and it shows on his face but he's going to make Tony say it.

"Yeah you know with the ring and...and all that."

"You're asking me to be your best man."

Tony shrugs "Yeah. I guess so." He takes another drink.

Rhodey smiles "Aw hell yeah. Does this mean I get to plan Tony Stark's bachelor party?"

"Nah." Tony says "I've had enough parties. I'll have more parties. No party."

 _That_  does seem to surprise Rhodey, which is fair. "Seriously man?"

"Seriously I just...I dunno...seems weird, having this giant party and no Pepper. Had enough of those."

Rhodey rolls his eyes "Alright whatever man." 


	39. This Happened

Thor's been signaling earth for like a week now, trying to get someone to put him in touch with somebody he actually knows. 

"Just tell them we'll kill them if they don't. It's much more effective."

"Loki, even if I was willing to do that, our ship does not have weapons."

"So? They don't know that." 

Bruce rolls his eyes. "Look just give them a second, I'm sure they'll put us in touch with somebody."

A voice sounds over the speaker system. "I am T'Challa, King of Wakanda. State your business."

"I am Thor Odinson of Asgard. I and my people seek a place to land on earth. I have allies among the avengers if you are willing to contact them."

"I...I am actually" there's a note of surprise in T'Challa's voice. "I believe that Wakanda could locate the Avengers. We will prepare landing coordinates for you and you can meet me at the palace. We have much to discuss."

"Tell me now." 

"I'm afraid that messages from space tend to attract the attention of foreign powers. I cannot give you all the relevant information without making classified Wakandan information widely known." 

"Alright." Thor sighs "Send us the information. We'll be there as soon as possible." He hangs up. 

"We're not really going to land there are we?" Loki snorts.

"Yes why not?" Thor asks.

Banner shrugs "Could be a trap... But like, why would it be?"

Loki rolls his eyes "It's always a trap." 

Thor smiles "Have some faith brother."

"I've fooled you far too many times to trust your judgement."

"What about me?" Bruce asks without looking up from his book.

"I don't know you very well but honestly, I don't trust you much either after our first encounter."

Bruce looks mildly interested "What'd I do? Was it cool?" He jokes.

Thor laughs and nods "It was very cool."

"It was NOT cool." 

Thor looks down at something that's beeping "Oh! This is from the Wakandans. Now, if you'll both be quiet, I need to land this thing."


	40. In the pattern

The thing about reconstructing everything, bringing it back, is that it doesn't just bring back before. It brings back...everything else. So yeah, the memory Barnes just relived wasn't horrible or anything but he still comes out of the simulation staring into nowhere shaking. He collapses into Steve. Tony expects Steve to shoot him a glare, some kind of sign that he's not okay with how the treatment is upsetting his friend but he doesn't look up at all. He just looks worried. 

Tony looks away. It's ugly somehow. Uncomfortable. This isn't the guy from all of Cap's wistful stories. He isn't supposed to look so scared. It'd be a lie to say he looks "small". Even in Steve's arms he's still a super soldier. It's that he looks all the more helpless for being huge and shaking all over and scared. It was the way Howard looked when he cried, the only time Tony can remember him crying. It's like watching a monument fall. Barnes isn't sobbing or anything. He's crying, quietly, if at all. Probably not even that, just gasping in breathes like a dying fish and trembling. Somehow, it's the Bucky equivalent of blubbering over with tears. He buries his head in Steve's shoulder. Tony focuses on some display about profits or something. He wants to think of something snarky to say, to get rid of the way he can feel everyone tensing. He can't think of anything. 

T'Challa would no what to say, or Thor. Well, Thor would say the wrong thing, but he'd say it earnestly enough that everyone would feel better, at least a little. 

It is at that point that Tony experiences what he would call a miracle if he were just a little bit less of a genius. 

T'Challa rushes into the room. His eyes scan the situation quickly. "This may not be the best time but...Wakanda has just received word from Thor. He'll be at a royal landing area in a few minutes. He is anxious to see you." 

Steve nods "Alright we'll be out in a minute just...give us a second." 

T'Challa nods and leaves. As he exits, an attendant runs up to ask him about something and the doors close behind him. 

Somehow that breaks the tension a little. Enough for Bucky to at least pull himself together. "Okay. I'm fine. I'm fine." He waves Steve off as if he hadn't been the one breaking down in the first place. 

Steve nods and moves away. 

"Go say hi to your friend."

Tony resists an eye roll. Like it's gonna be that easy to get rid of Capsicle. The man is obsessed. 

"Come on, he's an Avenger too, you should at least meet him." 

Barnes looks like he would rather do anything else. He nods.

Tony actually does roll his eyes at this point. "Ignore him." He says to Bucky. "Cap, you can go five minutes without your security blanket. Even I can see the guy needs a break."

Steve turns to Bucky questioningly. Bucky shrugs, which is the closest he seems to have gotten to telling anyone to fuck off so far, and Steve knows it. He nods at that, accepting it for the answer it is. "See you later." 


	41. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce/Nat is not canon to this fic, however, they are going to be best friends and this definitely makes Clint a bit jealous. Bruce is as important to Nat as Clint, just not in a romantic or sexual manner. Clint and Nat are not officially together but they do like eachother and this may change over the course of the fic depending how things go.

Everyone knows enough about basic survival to pretend they don't notice Nat rushing forward. They do not, by any reports hear her yell "Bruce" and wrap her arms around him. Even if they did, they definitely didn't see her cry because they are not stupid enough to make that kind of mistake. She clears her throat abruptly and turns to Thor.

"Natasha" Thor beams his typical sunshine smile at her. "It is good to see you."

"You too, Thor...Who's this?"

"I'm Valkyrie don't talk to me." Nat looks her up and down cautiously. There's something she doesn't trust about Valkyrie but nothing she can place yet, so she just nods. 

Thor turns to the other Avengers "Ah, yes there is something I should mention--"

Loki, drama Queen that he is, chooses this moment to step down the plank of the ship. "Are we there yet?" He asks sarcastically.


	42. Thor

Tony is already aiming his repulsors at Loki. Thor steps between the two quickly. 

"What the hell, Thor?" Clint says. It's angry yes, but mostly just hurt.

"He...he's my brother."

"Look..." Banner seems torn "He did...really help us. Saved Asgard."

"Then what's with all the refugees?" Nat asks.

Thor is quick to respond. "Asgard is a people." He puffs out his chest proudly.

"Well this is just...very entertaining but I could really go for a bite to eat so can we wrap it up?" 

"Loki..." Thor warns. 

"I dunno." Tony says, still ready to fire "T'Challa, does Wakanda have last meals?" 

"Not for him." T'Challa replies in an easy, almost lighthearted sort of way, but there's a tenseness to him that he can't quite conceal. 

"For the record, I told him this was a terrible idea."

"Yeah. Hey look at that," Tony's voice is that venomous "we actually agree on something." 

 


	43. Negotiation

Loki turns to T'Challa "We're both reasonable men. Why don't we talk this over. I'm sure we can come to an agreement."

T'Challa's voice is tense, every word seems to be pushed past a wall of rage "I wish I shared your optimism." 

"I could help to mediate. I will negotiate on Loki's behalf, if it will put you at ease." Says Thor.

"Absolutely not." Loki declares and pulls Thor aside "You will not push me out of a conversation resolving my own fate. I will not be a prisoner again." 

"I'm not going to imprison you, Loki." Thor reassures him with infuriating geniality "I just--"

"Well, they are going to want that, at best, and frankly your negotiation skills have not been great so far."

"I got Valkyrie on our team." 

" _Hulk_  got Valkyrie on our team. The last time I saw  _you_ negotiate, you nearly started a war because someone called you a princess." 

"The last time I negotiated was when you attacked me with that giant...metal" Thor waves his hands in the air vaguely "...guy." 

"And how did that go?"

"Well I won." 

"Not by negotiating."

"So you admit I won?" 

"Fine, you can come to the meeting, as my representative, and I will be there, speaking for myself as well." 

Thor sighs "I'll see what I can do." 

In the end, Loki is allowed to speak for himself, but magic is banned from the room and detectors are set to make sure this rule is followed. Thor is also there, mediating to make sure it doesn't turn into an all out war. 

"I come here as a citizen of Asgard, and adviser to the king. I am to be admitted as any other Asgardian." 

"No other Asgardian has attempted to conquer the planet." 

"That's behind us now." Thor says. 

"Maybe it is behind Asgard, Wakanda has yet to see." 

 


	44. The Deal

In the end the agreement is this, the ship, and a decent area around it, is the Asgardian embassy. Beyond that, Loki is a criminal, but as Asgard doesn't have extradition, he's okay inside the bounds of the area. 

"It's glorified captivity. Changing the name makes no difference." Loki hisses at Thor once they've left. 

"It's the best I could do. Perhaps you should not have killed so many Midgardians in the first place." 

"So you admit! This is a sentencing, dressed up as diplomacy."

"Loki..."

"You are wrong if you think I will be confined here like a child!"

Thor sighs "Just...don't get caught."

Loki rolls his eyes "I'm not you. I have a brain."

"Don't hurt anyone either. I cannot jeopardize the people of Asgard because you consider rules a personal slight."

"They're personal rules." Loki shrugs.

"Loki, please..."   

"Fine...I'll try to avoid injuring your pets."

Thor growls in annoyance. "Just once could you just..."

"Just what? Sit back and be treated as an inferior?" 

"No, just stop...stop doing this?"

"Yeah good luck with that." Loki says and leaves. 

 

 


	45. Bucky and Steve

Bucky was surprised by the sudden rush of jealousy when Steve says he's been on a date. Sure Steve was always...Steve...but it shouldn't have been that big a deal. 

"With who?" Bucky forces himself to sound neutral but it comes out sort of wary. That's alright. Most things do. 

"One of Nat's blind dates. She has some complicated science job I don't really understand."

"Oh? Was she...do you think you'll go out again?"

"Probably not." 

Bucky sighs in relief, and immediately hopes Steve wasn't paying attention to that. "Why's that?"

Steve shrugs "Same thing as all of them. We had nothing in common. She wasn't to starstruck by the whole 'avenger' thing though, so I might give her another chance." 

"Mmhmm" Bucky forces himself to smile "Good. About time you found somebody." 

"Yeah I guess." Steve says. 


	46. It is

Movie night. Nat goes to settle near Clint like usual. He shifts away to the opposite end of the couch. Nat frowns at him but says nothing. He's been weird lately. Banner picked the movie tonight, so they're watching some artsy movie despite Clint yelling "bo-ring" every five minutes or so. Eventually she shoots him a glare and he shuts up. The weird thing is, he glares back, briefly, which is unusual for him. He doesn't crack a smile or wave his hand dismissively or make light of it at all. He glares back, seems to catch himself, and shakes his head like he's reminding himself to snap out of it. Nat focuses back on the movie, which she doesn't understand or like, like most movies. At least it's not some ridiculous animated nonsense so she'll put up with it. Thor seems confused, but in his own, open, happy way, and is excitedly annoying Banner with various questions about the characters. In Thor's defense, he at least thinks he is being quiet. He is not being quiet. Nat leans back and focuses on Thor's running commentary and increasingly annoyed answers from Banner, which turns out to be a lot more amusing than the actual movie. 

After the movie, she follows Clint. "If you've got a problem, say so." 

His face falls. "Sorry. You're right I just..."

"I don't want an apology. I want an explanation." 

"It's just...what was that hug between you and Bruce?"

"He's a good ally to have. He's smart. Tough. He's okay to talk to."

"And?"

"And nothing, Clint, what is your problem?"

"Are you in love with him?"

"I'm not in love with anyone."

Clint grimaces

"Why would this be any of your business anyways?" 

"It isn't it's just."

"We're casual Clint. Don't make us into something we aren't."

"You know that's not entirely true."

There's no one else even near the hallway now but they're still whispering.

"It is." Nat says finally, and walks away. 

Clint just stands there for a long time before heading to bed. 


	47. Feelings

Steve had a lot of time to think while he thought Bucky was dead. Time to think about what the real source of his jealousy had been, back in the 40's watching girl after girl throw themselves and James Barnes. He used to tell himself that it was because he was short and scrawny and no girl would ever look at him. 

Funny how dying could really shake up your perspective. 

It only took him a few weeks out of the ice to know. 

It was useless by then anyways. Bucky had been dead for decades. 

And then he wasn't. He was right there and he was out of his mind and...

And then he wasn't. 

And Steve is absolutely terrified because he knows now why he never realized what he was really feeling sooner. Because once it was an actual possibility, that meant uncertainty. It meant he could ask. He could be rejected. He could be...not rejected. 

It was scarier than the aliens had been. 

A lot scarier. 

 


	48. Movie Night

Team Movie night. 

Tony picks a stupid movie that is perfect because it's stupid. It isn't technically his turn but it's Nat's turn and Nat is late and probably wouldn't even be willing to pick a movie she actually liked less someone learn an actual detail about her personal interests.  Everyone is mostly having fun. Bucky is having a good day so he makes some disturbingly cavalier jokes and Steve is having a good day so he laughs at them. 

Vision sits perched on the edge of the couch and watches silently, but that's typical of him, and he seems content. 

Wanda turns to Bucky and whispers something in Russian that earns her a friendly shove. 

"Care to share with the class?" Asks Tony.

"Nope!" 

"Throw popcorn at him, it calms him down." Rhodey mock whispers. 

Clint is standing in the doorway. 

Sam grabs the popcorn that Rhodey is holding out and launches a kernel at Clint. "What's up?"

"I--Nothing." Clint says. Everyone gives him a worried glance but they let it slide. Clint settles down and immediately mocks one of the actors. 

Clint and Tony make more snarky commentary and shush each-other. 

"Both of you shut up!" Rhodey says, but he's laughing even as he tosses a pillow in their general direction. 

Nat walks in. Looks at Clint. Looks up to everyone else. "I'm going on a mission for a few months." 

Walks out. 

"I'm gonna head to bed early." Clint says. 

It's quiet for a few minutes, just a movie no one cares about playing like cartoon crickets. 

Tony is the first to speak. He turns his attention back to the movie and makes some half-hearted joke about accidental innuendo. 

He's louder and more obnoxious than usual and after about ten minutes Sam shushes him with legitimate annoyance that goes ignored. 


	49. Akachi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning for some pretty severe Internalized Homophobia and references to/fear of homophobic violence.

Akachi's sessions with Bucky were exhausting, but of the various clients she'd had over the years, there were those she looked forward to, and those she wished she had never taken, and various categories in between. Bucky was a client she looked forward to. He was making progress with surprising speed and every time she looked at his file she felt a stab of warm pride in her chest. Today was another session. He came in a little early, which didn't really matter since she was there early too. 

"Morning, Bucky!"

"Morning." He said. He was still sipping his coffee for the day. He had gotten pretty well hooked on the stuff. 

He sat down across from her and fidgeted. 

"Something specific you'd like to work on today?" (and thank god he had finally agreed to actually address his problems head on)

"Sort of, I mean, I dunno." 

"Alright why don't we start off with some basic stuff about your week and we can work up from there?"

"Okay." 

"So how have the B.A.R.F. sessions been going?"

"We've...we've started going back through...the um...the 70 years, y'know with um...Hy--with Hydra."

"And has that been difficult?"

"You're not stupid Akachi, don't ask stupid questions." He sips his coffee "Sorry." 

"That's alright. Do you want to talk about what that's like, the sessions?"

"Sorry but no way in hell." He leans back on the couch. 

"Fair enough." 

"I did...I was concerned that... Gah forget it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah you'd have to report me."

"Are you planning to hurt yourself or others?"

"No."

"Is someone else?"

"No. I just...no."

"Then I won't have to report you." 

He glances at her suspiciously.

She has a feeling she knows what this is about but she'll let him work his way there. 

"So...I think Hydra...maybe did something?" He sets aside the coffee cup and hugs a pillow to his stomach. "I don't know. Maybe...maybe not. I just...So um...So Steve has really been there for me a lot and...I just...I guess that's just been...confusing...yeah."

"Confusing how?"

"If you hurt me or...Just...no...Just...if you...it'll be your word against mine, that I said any of this. I have the Avengers on my side I..."

"It's fine, Bucky. I think I know what you're going to say, and it's not a big deal."

"I...maybe it's a Hydra thing or...or something...or I'm just still messed up but...y'know I've just sort of...well I guess I was...I got a memory back the other day. From...from before. The good before."

"I'm glad to hear it." She nods to him to go on. 

"And I was...I was on a date. Movies. I made out in the back of the theater. And...and I don't remember her name anymore, I...I might have forgotten that on my own." He looks embarrassed "but...I remembered and I thought how pretty she was. And then...I don't know why but then I thought...she looked good but not as good as...as...um...as Steve...which is weird, I know but I mean, if the other Hydra things weren't my fault, I figure, maybe you don't really need to report this and just I...I don't know but I"

"It's fine."

"It's fine?"

Akachi pulls out her phone "Here look. You could even get married, down the line, recognized in Wakanda as well as the states." She hands him the phone and he scrolls through the news articles she's pulled up.

"Oh. Wow. I...wow...is this...is this for real?" He whispers.

"Yup." 

"Oh. Okay. Um...wow...I...I need a second."

"Perfectly understandable." Akachi leans back in her chair. He hands her back her phone.

"Um...that's...th...wow I...oh my god." 

"So no, I don't think that would be part of Hydra's agenda, and I wouldn't worry about it too much."

"Yeah...Yeah I guess so." 


	50. Think Things Over

The more Natasha thinks about it, the more the thing with Clint disturbs her, because really, he's not wrong is he? Things are pretty messy, so she's not entirely sure but...its not like there's anyone she feels safer with. When the rest of the world exhausts her, he doesn't. She cares about him. He cares about her. Call it what you want, but that's how people act when they're...well...that. More. A couple. Either way, she doesn't want to keep running from him. She will, at least another week or two, but it won't be ideal. Eventually, if she doesn't want to lose him, she's going to have to see him again. Inconvenient. She dodges another knife and rams it into an enemy's gut. Okay, time to focus right now. It's settled. She'll go back at some point or she'll just chill for a year or two as someone else. Probably go back. But she's going to at least pretend to consider disappearing again, if only because it's a comforting thought. Then, once she's waited it out, she can go back at the last minute and surprise herself. For now, she should really focus on the fight. 


	51. A note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obviously the improving situation with Bucky is one reason Steve's been doing better, but I decided to essentially retcon the idea that it's the only reason.

Steve still hasn't admitted to Sam that he's finally caved and been going to therapy. He gets in a big argument about how he's not going but has to " pretend"  to storm off to make his session.


	52. Unplanned Movie Night

Bucky gets a text from Tony that afternoon: "Hey, Barnes, I finished that thing you asked about. Wanna get the team together to watch it?"

He texts back: "Oh hell yes!"

He drags Steve down the the living room.

"What is it?" Steve asks.

Bucky smiles "You'll see." 

The team crowds onto and around the couch. 

The title card comes up. 

Steve groans "Bucky...no"

Clint crashes down on the couch and pumps his fist in the air. "BUCKY YES!"

***

An hour in and Steve's face seems a bright magenta color from what little of it isn't hidden in his hands. 

"No! Wait wait this is the best part!" Bucky yells over a comment from Tony.

The Steve on the screen blushes "Just doing my job, ma'am." 

Everyone on the couch breaks into a fit of laughter and give Steve friendly shoves. Popcorn goes flying and Clint is actually laughing so hard he's crying. 

"I hate you!"

"You love me." Bucky says confidently. 

"Yeah, but Bucky? You're the worst."

It is at that moment, as Vision, in an uncharacteristic moment of excitment yells "HE'S SAVING ANOTHER BABY, WATCH" that it strikes Bucky: at some point he has become completely comfortable in this. His name. His life. His ridiculous little family. 

 


	53. For Advice

"I need your opinion on something."

It was 1:30 a.m. and Bucky was, for once, about to actually fall asleep. 

He sat up with a groan "Nat? Wassit?" 

"I'm in an argument with Hawkeye and I need your opinion. Come on, lets go get coffee." 

"Goway"

"I told you, I need advice."

"In the morning." 

"It is the morning." Nat insisted.

"Five more hours."

"Fine. I'll see you at 6:30. Bruce's kitchen. I want his opinion too." 

"Fine goah _way"_ He's not even sure if this is just some particularly obnoxious dream. 

He forgets about it and falls back asleep as she slips out the door, setting an alarm on his phone for 6:00. 

 


	54. At Bruce's Encouragement

Bruce cradle's a cup of tea in his hands. Bucky's cup sits at the table where he takes a sip every few minutes. Nat doesn't drink tea made by other people so she just sits there, staring at him waiting for an answer. 

"What do I do?"

"Well..." Bruce fumbles. "We can't just tell you."

"Obviously" At least she's smiling now. "But I would like advice."

"Yeah. Frankly, I'm working on it. I'll tell you what to do when I figure it out myself." says Bucky.

Bruce smiles "What's that mean? You got a crush on someone?" 

"I...I mean..."

"Yes. He and Steve are clearly dancing around each-other." 

"Oh cool. You should ask him out." Says Bruce, like it's simple or something.

"Well what about me?"

"Communication. Just talk to him."

"Yes but..."

"Natasha." Bruce cuts her off "Do you love him?" 

"Love is-"

"Nat." 

Her voice is a whisper. "Yes. I think so." 

"Romantically?"

"I don't know. I mean that's so poorly defined and it's really just a chemical reaction in the brain and-"

"Maybe ask him out then." He's smiling kindly. 

Bucky turns to her "I bet you I can ask Steve before you ask Clint." 

Nat grins at him, and he doesn't think even Bruce can see the fear there. Still, she says "You're on." 


	55. The Victim

Valkyrie has never been happier. She spends her mornings sleeping in and her afternoons watching the sunset and drinking with Tony. Once the Sun goes down she spars with Sif. The sessions are brutal and close. Sometimes nobody wins, and they realize, at six or seven in the morning, that the sun has come up, and that they have spent the whole night locked in mock battle, bantering drunkenly under the stars. Wakanda is a beautiful country and Valkyrie has a home again. 

It turns out that the Asgardians are not the only space-refugees looking to land on earth. On a Wednesday, Wakanda recieves a signal from a Sakaaran ship. It's falling apart, hovering above the atmosphere, waiting for permission to half-crash half-land. It worked for Thor, seems to be the reasoning, maybe it will work for them. An emergency conference is called. 

"Wakanda has already taken in far to many foreigners, not just from space but from our own planet." Someone shouts. 

"We could help these people." Insists Nakia.

The debate lasts a long time. Finally an agreement is reached with a few other countries who will take the refugees in since most of the Wakandan officials are so opposed to it. 

~~~

Uttari takes it in. This is going to be home now. Earth. The atmosphere is clouded and thinned like hair on a balding man but when she breathes the air, it is hers. Where she steps, she chooses to step. The only thing above her is the sky and her hands hold weapons only when she is feeling particularly paranoid. She learns that Valkyrie is on this planet after only a few weeks. She is not sure what she hopes to gain from confronting Valkyrie, only that she has to. Maybe she will kill her. Maybe she will demand an apology. Maybe she will only tell the slaver that she could have been more, she could have been a hero, if Thor really saw something in her enough to align himself with her. Uttari shows up at the Asgardian embassy in Wakanda, (it is, after all, _her_ embassy, _her_ people) and she has a knife with her and that's all she knows.  

 

 


	56. Steve

It seems like it's probably one of Bucky's bad days. He keeps opening his mouth to say something then looking down at his hands. He's fidgeting a lot. At least he hasn't gone completely still, so the day remains most likely salvageable. Bucky looks to Steve again, starts to say something, and looks away. Steve pretends not to notice. If he notices Bucky will either get pissed or go completely still and the day will most likely not be salvageable. He resists the urge to say "Whatever it is, you can tell me." But to be honest, he's annoyed. Which is a terrible thing to be, in this situation, but there it is. He looks back down to his book. 

"I remembered something a few days ago." 

Steve looks back up. "Oh?" He tries not to sound to excited.

"Yeah. An old date."

"Which one?"

Bucky shrugs. "Anyway, I remember sitting there in the theater and thinking how boring she was, well, not really she was fine but I just remember thinking, if you were there it'd be a lot nicer."

"Oh...um" Steve scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. "Thanks."

"Yeah anyway, just a thing I remembered." He seems nervous.

"Nice." Says Steve, because he can't think of anything else he can say without embarrassing himself. 

"I have bet with Natasha." 

"And what's that?"

"That...that you'll go on a date with me. Anyways, it'd be cool. Just to beat Natasha of course. I don't wanna make anything weird or--"

"Yeah." Steve laughs. "Because after travelling to the future to fight aliens and killer robots, going on a date would be weird."

"Shut up. I was trying to save face." 

"Good job." Steve smirked and pretended to look at his book.

"So...going on a date... _wouldn't_...be weird?"

Steve was struggling not to show the hope on his face, and failing spectacularly. He feigned a shrug. "Nah. Sounds kind of nice, actually."

"Yeah, but with me."

"Sounds even better, although to be honest, I don't think I'm as casual as you are."

"That was a hundred years ago. I've matured." Bucky deadpans.

"You? Never."

"Brainwashing. It's a magical thing." 

"So then...you'd wanna be?"

"I mean...yeah...if that's...I mean...I still might need some time before we'd be...officially...official or whatever but...I'd like to try."

"Me too." Steve says. They both smile like idiots. It's radiant and so unburdened that you'd think they had never been through anything bad at all. 


	57. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER WARNINGS: Past rape, Past necrophilia, Past slavery, Current character death, Violence

When Valkyrie gets back to her room that morning, Uttari is waiting for her, sitting on the bed. Uttari stands up. She's shaking. Her hand is wrapped around a small knife that has absolutely no chance against Valkyrie and her sword.

"You stole my life." Says Uttari. "You...I spent years, _years_  as a slave because of  _you_. Do you have any idea...do you know what I was going through while the Grandmaster was _fawning_ over you?" She laughs but it is cold and bitter and calculated. "I made friends and watched them die because he felt like killing them." 

"I'm glad you were popular." Valkyrie says, but it comes out choked. She does not recognize Uttari. She's trying to, but she's lost count of how many people she sold back on Sakkar and the girl was no-one special. 

"You think this is a JOKE. You killed me! You killed me!" Uttari is screaming. Someone will hear. And...Valkyrie doesn't know what.

"Look, I'm done with that now shut up."

"You're telling me..." Uttari's voice has gone low. "You're telling me to shut up. You. Do you have any idea how many people died because of you?" Her voice is rising again "How many people you killed. How many people you sent to be raped. I remember one orgy." She chuckles darkly again, humorless. "I remember one orgy this girl died right on the spot of exhaustion or...or something I don't know. She just died right there. Do you know what the Grandmaster said, when he finally noticed, he said 'we'll have someone clean it up later', and the whole orgy just kept going for hours and hours. She didn't get out of it because she was dead iether. Even the dead don't get to decline an invitation from the Grandmaster." Uttari smirks. Her knife cannot possibly harm Valkyrie, but Valkyrie takes a step back nonetheless. 

"I didn't..."

"WHAT? You didn't what? Didn't know? Didn't think about it? Didn't worry about all the people you were sending to the slaughter?"

"Shut up."

"My name is Uttari by the way, it's nice to finally meet you officially. The girls name was Krorequoll, by the way, not that you asked!" Her voice is rising again, she's screaming.

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP"

"HOW ABOUT THE GLADIATORS? THOSE WERE YOUR FRIENDS WEREN'T THEY? THE TOUGH ONES? THE ONES WHO WEREN'T STILL ANGRY THAT YOU STOLE THEM TO BE MURDERED AS A GAME A JOKE ARE WE ALL A GODDAMN JOKE TO-"

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!" Valkyrie brings her sword down over the screaming woman again and again and again until there is no more noise, no more chance that the yelling will alert someone, no more accusing voice. She is a Valkyrie, and she will not be disrespected and there is an innocents blood on her blade and she is a murderer and she is scrambling to clean this up before someone finds out. 


	58. Nat

Nat has already lost the bet, she's 73% sure at least that Bucky and Steve are together by now. She's still going to do this for her. She's put it off as long as she can. She sits down across from Clint at his table. 

"Natasha" He says through a mouthful of pizza. 

She smiles. "We're in a relationship now. Don't call me your girlfriend because that sounds stupid and childish but you may call me your significant other." She declares. 

"Oh man, I hope this isn't just some weird lucid dream." Clint says with a fist-pump. 

In response she kisses him.

"Could you dream that?" She asks. And she disappears before he can respond. Okay. Good. He fist pumped. That meant yes right? Yes. Definitely. Her phone buzzes. 

"This is awesommeeeee" With five e's. Yeah. That's definitely a yes. She responds with a little "<3" despite the likelihood that he will blackmail her lightheartedly with it at some point, but is not stupid enough to actually ever follow through. 


	59. Leads

Valkyrie is burying the body when the stranger approaches her. He seems unconcerned by the body. "What's with the armor?"

She draws her sword. "What do you want." 

He raises his hands. "Look...I'll take her off your hands, no charge, yeah?"

"I want in." She says, pressing the blade closer to his throat.

"In?"

"You're an idiot but you're not naive." She says with a quick slash to his arm. "Tell me. What's in it for you?"

"It's a mule. I figured...sometimes...you get a body you can say it's a dead cousin, y'know?"

"A mule for what?"

"I'll give you a cut."

She gives  _him_ a cut. On his thigh. "Tell me." 

"Vibranium. It's...it's..."

"I know what it is." 

It takes the rest of the night but by the end she has his contacts, his plans, and she is poised to usurp a criminal empire from his bosses. 


	60. War Sells

By the time Valkyrie was done questioning him, the man was bleeding and trembling.

"Thanks for the help." She said, sheathing her sword back against her hip. "Now you're gonna go tell Malcom...Flynn, was it?" 

He nodded and Valkyrie smiled and continued. "Yes, well, you go tell Malcom Flynn that I look forward to working with him and that he now has a spy in the Asgardian embassy, right near the heart of the government."

The man nodded. "Can't wait to hear from you." Valkyrie said. 

~~~

And she did hear from, well, if not the man (Al) himself, than at least she heard from Flynn's people. It turned out that Flynn was in fact, interested in having a spy directly near the heart of the country's major vibranium stash, with ties to the king himself. It felt good to be back in her comfort zone. There was a certain thrill to smuggling for a boss that watching her planet die and reliving it again and again in her nightmares just couldn't replicate. The charming the boss. Getting to know his stupid quirks. Wrapping the whole operation around her finger. It was something to do, anyways. It kept her busy. 

~~~ 

The meeting was set up at Flynn's home base. Valkyrie had insisted. It was only polite. It had been a few months now, and things were going well. She reclined in her chair and waited while on of Flynn's men filled her glass. "You got the shipment then?" 

"Best of them yet. I don't know how you do it."

"Yeah." Valkyrie acknowledged "Well, I am an angel." She paused a moment. "You're wasting me, you know."

"Wasting you?"

"I am a spy in the Asgardian embassy, which gives me direct ties to the Wakandan government. You clearly don't see the value there."

Flynn smiled but it was a thin, frustrated smile. "It is not the Wakandan government we do business with." 

"And that," she sighed "Is why you'll never be more than you are right at this moment...Well..." She sighed. "If you want something done right..." 

Valkyrie felt almost sorry for him, but then, she was among her peers. Nothing they could do to eachother really mattered. She was new to the Midgardian gun but it left a hole in his slumped body all the same. She shoved him out of the big leather chair and sat down in it. His lackeys looked around in shock. Dammit she could really use someone who was appropriately afraid of her, not just this temporary terror. She pointed at one of them. "You. Go get Al." The man nodded. "Oh and...Shayne, was it?" the mook froze in his tracks and turned back towards her carefully. "Be nice to him." 

"Yeah. Um...sure." 

A few of the guards moved to attack her. One stabbed her in the side, which was actually somewhat annoying. She was a Valkyrie and an Asgardian though, so she didn't give him the dignity of more than an eyeroll before she killed him.  

When Shayne and Al entered the room, they took in the bodies with wide eyes. She didn't bother to talk to Shayne, just smiled a friendly smile at Al. "Al!" She took another drink. "How've you been?" 

"Good...um...I'm good...thank you."

"Anytime, Al, my buddy. Anyway, I wanted to congratulate you." She kicked the body at her feet. "You've been promoted to regional manager. I expect great things from you." Al looked like he wanted to puke, which was perfect.  


	61. Dealings

The next step was to get Shuri to design weapons. Since Wakanda was a peaceful nation so far, this was going to take a little maneuvering. "I just think it would be best if you had something ready to go, even if T'Challa thinks you're prepared enough. Asgard...has enemies. I...I'm scared" Valkyrie made herself look shaken. "Just...if you could keep an eye out for..."

Shuri rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'll make you one prototype weapon for personal use." 

Well, it'd be a good enough demonstration. After that, Wakanda would have all the prompting it needed from the rest of the world. 

~~~

Forming the alliances was a bit more difficult. Being from the last of a respected Nation Planet State made it easier. An appearance here, a percieved insult there. It was moving too slowly. 

~~~

It was almost summer and her numbers were growing. She sent a few people out as ambassadors. The base grew into a palace of its own. She hosted parties with various dignitaries. They came in groups, in the alliances she had prepared, or, if they needed to insult eachother, the opposing sides she had arranged. 

The alliances were key to this. Nothing got people ready to kill like an alliance. 

 ~~~

She approached the American officials. She explained the natural resources Wakanda was hiding. She explained she had an in. She explained that, if she got them a little, maybe they could take the rest. She let him think that taking the rest was his own idea. 

~~~

Her outreach programs focused on destabilizing national economies. Drug sales and black markets cropped up and she owned them all. Human organs. Alien organs. Things she preferred not to think about. She was a business woman at heart. And, as planned, it took only the  slightest of nudges for a backlash of proud patriotism to arise. Good old patriotism. 

~~~

By the end of the year, war had been announced. Alliances were bound to interfere. Major Superpowers were bickering. 

~~~

By the end of the first month that year, she had made more money than she had in years working for the Grandmaster, and she had tried every Midgardian drug she could dream of. She sat in her room, guarded and protected, floating and drifting and feeling nothing nothing nothing and free. Visions of cascading sunlight falling into soulless skies emerged in front of her. She saw songs. Not Asgard. That had been cathartic. She did not see Sakkar. She saw laughter and eyes rolled at the commanders grand speeches. The universe closed up around her like an egg and she could breath again. She could breath again. She could breath if she just kept running in place. 

 


	62. Perpetrating It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song Valkyrie is listening to in the beginning this chapter is "Fell in Love With A Girl" by the Whitestripes
> 
> Trigger warning: Extreme drug abuse, poorly discussed, drug-fueled sex in front of uninvolved parties, drugs as a coping mechanism, repressed grief being repressed 
> 
> I swear I set out to write a cute Stucky fic. Then Valkyrie just crash landed drunk in the middle of it and idk what happened. Don't worry, we'll be back to our regularly scheduled fluff soon. :)

Valkyrie was alive. She had taken to Midgardian music and it was blasting from the speakers around her, so loud she couldn't even think. Things were going well. Alignments were shifting. It was all lining up well. The jeep she was driving sped through the grass and she let out a whoop as she barely avoided flipping the vehicle into the sand. A bottle spilled from the side of the jeep as it tilted. Al laughed like a maniac. Marton and Rocky Norman (a woman surprisingly) jostled eachother. Marton, the idiot, puked over Rocky Norman's lap. Fortunately, Rocky was in a mood only to laugh and shove Marton playfully and as the car continued spinning in dangerous circles across the planes. The two progressed to something between a makeout session and out-and-out sex, at least as best they could in the careening car. Al was giggling uncomfortably because Al was, for all his attempted tough-guy act, a total pussy. 

"Hey!" Al forced a laugh "I'm practical."

Huh. She had said that outloud then. The car dissolved into laughter. Her foot was still on the gas but she wasn't really watching. Al grabbed the wheel and jerked the car suddenly to the side. Valkyrie punched him in the face and took the wheel back before he crashed the damn thing. Not that she was much better, as that had apparently been a narrow miss with an outcropping of rocks. 

They finally got back to the big compound and sometime at some point a party started up. Right. To celebrate the declaration of war. To celebrate in general. Valkyrie laughed hysterically. The night was unmemorable. She was a goddess now. More than she had ever been in her homeland. This compound was her homeland. Laughter coming harshly from different corners. Pills handed to her from she wasn't sure where. Speakers blasting. Music music music. In the rooms off to the side noises echoed. At some point, a few points, Valkyrie joined in the rooms snorting some white powder. If not for her Asgardian biology or she'd have overdosed days ago. Days? Hours? Whatever. Earlier. Earlier. Throwing things. Laughter. A brawl or two. She promised to execute someone once the party was over but she couldn't have picked him out of a crowd. 

This was living.

 

Or it was the closest she'd been in a while. The furthest too, but then, that was the fun of it.  


	63. Obvs

"What is that?" Steve is staring at the Tv in horror. 

Natasha stops short. "I don't know." 

"You don't know?" Natasha knows every weapon on the planet, as far as Steve knows.

"I've never seen anything like it." 

The footage keeps going. The reporter is talking over it but her words are meaningless background noise. 

Out of nowhere, T'challa appears. "That." He says "Is what vibranium looks like in the wrong hands. Someone is stealing from us. And they intend to start a war." 

"They already have." She says. "I'm going to find out who, and how and we're going to put a stop to this." 

 


	64. Avengers Assemble

It doesn't take Nat long to track down the compound where Valkyrie has been hiding out. She gathers the evidence together, not just of the weapons dealing, but of subtler things, assassinations meant to instigate conflict, false correspondences to cause confusion and confrontation between nations. There's a part of Natasha that is impressed. Still, she feels no remorse for publishing the contents of her findings to the rest of the world. 

~~~

The Avengers have surrounded the compound within an hour. Valkyrie's men, in riot gear are facing them down. How many of these guys does she even have? 

They stand just outside of the minefield, neither side willing to step forward. 

"Valkyrie! Surrender!" Thor pleads "We were friends once." 

Loki rolls his eyes and shoves an armored thug to the side. "That never works." 

Thor seems to take this as a joke because he's laughing.  "It is good to have you back, brother." 

"Stay out of this Thor." Valkyrie says "I don't want to hurt you." She even looks like she means it. "You too Banner." 

"JARVIS NOW" yells Tony. All of the mines across the field are disabled. "We're good!" He calls. The Avengers charge.

 

 

 


	65. Less

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bet you thought I couldn't turn a fight scene into ridiculously cheesy, over-the-top-angsty, fluff. Joke's on you!

The fight would be over quickly if Valkyrie weren't smarter. But she is. She's learned that you don't go charging in ahead of the crowd and make it out alive. She's learned that you don't fight people stronger than you. Ever. So she doesn't. She has been fighting for centuries. She aims her weapon at Bruce. In seconds, she has another ally on her side. The Hulk punches Thor into the dirt. Pepper shrieks and fire flares around her, almost scorching Iron Man. Iron Man aims a blast at Hulk's side and Hulk shouts and grabs at Iron Man. Iron Man jets off to the side but the Hulk catches his leg. Iron Man, no Tony, is screaming.

"Okay, Big guy" Valkyrie says to the Hulk. "I've got him, just hold his arms." She takes off his helmet. 

Holds a gun to his head. 

"Surrender now." 

On the battlefield the fighting has stopped. Everyone is stiff and still. Waiting. 

Pepper steps forward, hands up.

"Pepper..." Captain America warns but she cuts him off before he can gather his thoughts. 

"I know, Steve." She says, then turns to Valkyrie. "Okay. Okay look, lets talk." 

"I don't see that there's much to talk about." Says Valkyrie, but she doesn't move and the gun doesn't go off.

"Well, why don't we talk about what you're trying to accomplish here? The information has already been published." 

Valkyrie rolls her eyes "War still sells, even if the people know what their government is buying."

"True. True." Aknowledges Pepper. "It does raise the question though, of what you're getting out of this." 

"It's called money and power." 

"Okay." Pepper hopes it looks like she knows what she's doing because she definitely does not. "Money. Power. Good. Those are clear goals. Why do those um...appeal to you."

"Oh for shits sake, what is this a job interview?" 

"It's a question. I figure if you're willing to kill my husband you probably have a good answer." 

"Power is its own reward." Valkyrie smiles sweetly "Like kindness." she quips. 

"Hey. Something we have in common." Tony interrupts. "Cool. So,--" 

"Shut. Up." Valkyrie says, pressing the gun harder against his sweaty forehead. 

"Okay okay. Look as long as you're thinking about this." Says Pepper. "You just always want to think through your decisions and--" Oh god she has no idea where the hell she's going with this. 

"The point is not to think." Thank god, Valkyrie interrupts her before she has to reveal that she was completely improvising. 

"Not to think?" 

"Yes genius. Thinking isn't particularly fun if you haven't noticed. That's what drugs are for."

Pepper shrugs "I don' mind it so much."

"Yes well, your love is _alive_ , for the moment." 

"Oh? Did you lose someone."

"This is pointless" Valkyrie says, but she still doesn't move.

"Tell me about them." 

"I don't answer to you." Valkyrie says with a laugh. 

"Tell. Me. About. Them."

"You remind me of her." Valkyrie says. "Stubborn. Brave...Dead." She turns her weapon on Pepper. 

"She sounds amazing." Pepper says, with a slight smirk. "Tell me one thing she cared about."

"She cared about everything. That's what makes her so very dead." Valkyrie is attempting to laugh carelessly. "Me. She cared about me."

"That sounds beautiful." 

"It was." Valkyrie keeps her voice even. 

"So you're sad because she cared about you and she's gone?"

"That's what I just said, so yes." 

"Then why are you destroying yourself?" 

"I'm protecting myself!"

"Are you? Natasha found a lot of drugs."

"I am an Asgardian you idiot!"

"Are you?"

Valkyrie is crying. Pepper steps in closer. "Tell me more."

"She cared about Asgard...Justice...Jokes...Lots of jokes..."

"Would she have cared about Tony?"

"She cared about everyone." Valkyrie lowers her weapon and collapses into Peppers arms, crying.

"I know, honey, I know." Pepper says, stroking Valkyrie's hair. They sit like that for a long time.

"Your arms are warm." Says Valkyrie after a while. 

"Yes," Pepper says with a laugh "That's why they let me on the team." 

"I let her down." 

"You're doing your best. You'll keep doing your best."

Valkyrie doesn't have an answer for that one. 

 

 


	66. Your Gf Got Killed

Valkyrie is not happy about going back to the Asgardian embassy, but really, maybe she's just not happy about anything. She's failed, after all. Starting this in the first place, that was when she failed. No, before that, when she couldn't save the love of her life. That was also kind of a failure. Just a bit. She snorts at the thought. She doesn't leave her room for what's probably a few days. Occasionally Thor will push some food through the door. She's hungry so she eats it. She goes back to drinking, even though that's what started this whole particular segment of bullshit. She's already fucked up. May as well pour a little more liquor on the flames. The Avengers have to spend a while cleaning up her mess for her. (Mostly T'challa, Clint and Natasha, who are the best versed in taking apart and putting together whole governments with minimum bloodshed and drama.) She's past cleaning it up herself. She's in so fucking far over her head. The love of Valkyrie's life is dead, and if she weren't she'd hate what Valkyrie has become. She's never going to be able to make up for this. There's no way out of this pit. May as well dig deeper. She keeps drinking. She does not leave her room. 

 

~~~

At some point, she wakes up after a few times waking up and her head aches like hell and Pepper has taken away all the goddamn drinks and keeps pushing some water into her hand that she keeps dropping anyway until Pepper has to tilt her stupid head back for her like she's some sort of infant. Worse. Infants can drink from a bottle at least. This is so fucking stupid. She kind of wants to tell Pepper fuck off and die but she also kind of wants to thank her for showing up at all. In the end, all she says is 

"What are you doing here?"

Pepper gives her a look that is somehow skeptical, though Valkyrie has not made a statement. "Why haven't you left your room?"

"What for?" Apparently they're just talking in questions now. 

"We've been worried about you." 

Valkyrie tries to laugh at that one but it falls flat. "You and who else?" It's supposed to be a joke but Midgardians are, it turns out, terrible at reading jokes.

"Thor. Steve. Vision. Barnes. T'challa. Korg."

Valkyrie groans and covers her head with a pillow to block out the burning sunlight. 

After a while Pepper turns to leave.

 

"Wait."

Pepper stops. Turns back.

Valkyrie takes a deep breath and makes herself ask. "You said I could keep trying. What...What do I do?" 

Pepper smiles "You fix what you can, and do your best going forward." She leaves at that.

Great. Easy. Where the fuck is that supposed to start? 

~~~

Shit. Nope. Nope. Another time. Pepper cannot hide all the alcohol in the Asgardian embassy. This realization requires immediate levity. 

~~~

Shit. 

~~~

Shit. She killed that woman. She can't even remember the girl's name now. She...Valkyrie throws up. She killed her. And before that she sold her. And that other girl. Oh shit. 

~~~

Valkyrie should really stop drinking and actually follow all the good advice she's been given at some point. Tonight is not that night. 

~~~

Death is such bullshit. Valkyrie is not going to let it win. It isn't going to take the most amazing woman ever to live out of this universe. It is going to make that woman more powerful than she ever was in life. Valkyrie is going to make sure of it. That's all that's left now, anyways, so she has to, kind of. 

 


	67. Governments

The fighting has still not stopped. A lot of protests. A lot of outrage. But the few nations that already have launched attacks and now have the upper-hand are reluctant to give up. It is not going to be easy to get them to back down. Steve, T'Challa, Natasha, Pepper and Tony are going to a series of summits to negotiate peace. Technically, Natasha's job will be more about blackmailing top-level officials into backing down, and Pepper's and Tony's jobs will be similar but not directly correlated. T'Challa will be leading official negotiations and policies to guide the world back to peacetime. Wakanda's vibranium should be enough to shut up any one or two nations who still won't settle down, although it wouldn't be enough to quell a world war on its own.  Steve is mostly a figurehead but people tend to listen to him, as much as he hates being a figurehead in the first place. 

"Are you sure?"

"Am I sure I would rather avoid _another_ world war? Yeah Steve, I'm pretty damn sure." 

Steve laughs "I wish I didn't have to go. I hate this kind of stuff."

"If it makes you feel better, it will definitely cheer me up."

"Shut up, jerk"

Bucky begins singing the old "WHEN CAPTAIN AMERICA THROWS HIS MIGHTY SHIELD"

"Oh no" 

"ALL THOSE WHO CHOSE TO OPPOSE HIS SHIELD MUST YIELD" 

"I'm leaving now. I'm going to pack right now, and tell T'challa I want to leave early."

He does no such thing. He collapses laughing and the song dissolves into kisses.  

 


	68. Tony

It's just himself, Steve and T'challa now, sitting around a huge lodge, for yet another "social" event, listening to old men drone on and on and on. His witty comebacks are starting to feel tired. He's slipping. He even reused one of them a couple of times. At least Natasha is probably having fun playing with cool spy toys or whatever it is she gets to do for this. Poor Steve, who isn't even supposed to be talking, is in an explosive argument off to the side, with the leader of one of the European countries. Tony knew the guys name and nationality five drinks ago but it's long gone by now. Steve, on the other hand...

Tony smiles his best "I'm annoyed at my own people" smile and says "'Scuse me, can I borrow him for a second?" Before pulling Steve away from his latest opponent. 

"You can't keep doing this. We're trying to make peace, not start another war."

"Look, Tony he was--"

Tony holds his hand up to silence Steve "ah-bup-bup no. The adults are talking, okay? Your job, is to stand there and look pretty." 

Steve looks like he probably wants to punch Tony in the face, but he just frowns and says "I won't just ignore someone who's going to back-stab his own people." 

"Then save it for your diary. The _world_ is on the line here, okay Cap? Not just your chivalry or whatever the hell it is. This isn't the dark ages, anymore."

Steve sighs and gives Tony the Eyebrows of Dissapointment but he nods and looks down at his feet like he does when he's (however rarely and temporarily) admitting some sort of defeat. 


	69. The Treaties Are Settled

Day 21

Steve is doing his best to keep quiet but the way a lot of these guys are backstabbing their own people for profit or power or both is really really starting to get to him. Tony won't even let him look at the latest draft of the main treaty. Steve tries to turn the obvious worry on his face into something Captain-America appropriate but he isn't sure it's working. At least he hasn't gotten into any arguments or punched anyone, so that's good or something. He's losing his mind though, and Tony is only grating more and more on his nerves. 

The treaties will probably be over soon but it feels like they've been going on forever now. 

 

 

It's late and Tony and Steve are in a small living room area in something called the "Avengers Suite" which is stupid, but which Tony at least finds funny.

"There has to be something we can do. You didn't even try to--"

"I did, Cap, I promise I really did, but nothing gets past these guys and it was only making them angry. On the bright side, they found a common enemy in my drafts so that seemed to unite them at least." Tony sighs. He looks incredibly tired and the feeling is contagious. 

Day 22

Steve should probably not be as proud as he is of resisting the urge to slam his forehead into the table in frustration. They've been sitting here for the better part of eight hours and if anything's getting done it's over his head. Tony at least seems happy.

Afterwards he collapses into a long nap, and wakes up at three in the morning. He really wishes it weren't three in the morning. He needs to talk to Sam or Bucky or someone. Nat's probably awake but she'll have ditched the most recent number he has for her by now. 

Day 23

T'Challa is trying to get Asgard legal standing as a recognized nation. It is going well, so that's something at least. 

 

Day 24

All that is left of him is a pasted on smile and a cheesy outfit. Parker is sending him "memes" in an attempt to keep him going though so that's something. A lot of them are about him and those stupid school videos. They almost make him laugh. The others must never learn of these. 

 

Day 25

The final-final draft of the Main Treaty seems to be making the rounds. Tony won't let him look at it so there must be a lot of stupid posturing and backstabbing and idiocy involved. Not good. 

"I'm telling you, he's lost his mind."

"It'll be fine, babe, you gotta pick your battles." 

"I DO pick my battles!"

"You pick all of them. That's not what that means, Steve." 

"The number of battles is never actually specified." He points out, knowing that this is beside the point. He heaves a sigh. "I miss you."

"I miss you too."

 

Day 26

Tony and Steve get in a physical fight. Over skype, Pepper loses it with both of them. "IS THIS THE ONLY WAY THE TWO OF YOU KNOW HOW TO HANDLE PERSONAL DIFFERENCES?" 

"Pepp" Tony attempts to sound reasonable.

"NO. DON'T YOU TRY TO TALK YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS. JUST STOP PUNCHING EACH-OTHER AND TALK."

They do, albeit reluctantly. They both feel pretty guilty. Awkward apologies are made. 

Day 27

The final treaty is signed, much to Steve's annoyance. 

~~~

And then they're home. It was stupid but they're still home so that's something. As soon as Steve steps off the plane, Sam has pulled him into a hug that would probably have broken Steve's ribs in another life. "Good to see you, man. You guys manage to fix the world without ruining it."

"Depends who you ask." He says, but his voice is light and he's home. This is home. 

~~~

It's not until about a month later when he's talking to Pepper and she mentions offhand that "Well yes but the Stark charity donations and will should cover those people anyway." That he learns there was at least some compromise on his behalf as far as Tony was concerned.

"Stark charity?"

"Yes. Tony didn't tell you? Why am I surprised anymore?"

 

 


	70. Valkyrie Continues To Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The usual drug use warnings for Valkyrie in this chapter. She's making a steady recovery from her addiction but she mentions missing some pretty heavy drugs.

Valkyrie is bored out of her mind. She's cut her drinking back and even if it's not exactly cold turkey, it's awful. To make matters worse, Pepper has gotten rid of ALL of her heroin, her pills, her acid. The only thing Pepper hasn't even tried to talk her out of are the cigarettes, but those are practically useless compared to the rest. She'd definitely would have died over the past month or so from withdrawals if she were a human, even a human after the pattern of Pepper or Bucky. Why the hell is she doing this? It's not gonna bring her lover back. It's just forcing her to remember and giving her a headache. She forces herself to get up even though she'd rather just stay slumped on her couch. She doesn't have the energy to spar right now but maybe she can find someone up for an argument. She isn't allowed back in the laboratory, obviously, though technically she never was, so that rules out Shuri. She wanders around until she bumps into a face she recognizes. 

"Hows it going? Haven't seen you around since you tried to kill me and steal my wife, well, fiance but who's splitting hairs, y'know? Ever watch John Mulaney? John can explain it."

He's rambling and she'd love to say something really cutting back but all Valkyrie can come up with is "Shut. Up." 

"Good luck with that. You sound just like my parents. And my exes. And most people I've met." This is probably supposed to be a joke of some sort because Stark winks at her. 

She plays along and smirks back at him "I wonder what they all have in common."

"Apparently that they're boring." 

"Oh yeah, _they're_ boring." 

Tony sighs, "What do you want, evil Xena?" 

"Honestly? A drink." 

Tony barks out a laugh but it isn't exactly conspiratorial "Is that like a thing with defeated Asgardian super-villains?"

The words unsettle Valkyrie's gut, even though nothing about them is even wrong, and they don't make sense besides. She does not show it. She tilts her chin up and meets his eyes "You say defeated, I say evolving."

Tony snorts "How about Post-evil-plotum-depression?" 

"You're trying way to hard." She says, after a second. 

Tony flips her off and shrugs.

"You're learning." She laughs.

Tony is suddenly serious. He's staring at her with total disgust. "This isn't a joke. This isn't AA and I'm not your friend. You tried to kill me and you failed. It's just a shame you didn't die in the process."

He lets her go with a shove and walks away. Well, it wasn't quite an argument but it feels just as shitty. Valkyrie is not laughing. 

~~~

Bruce visits her a few hours later. "I heard you and Tony got in an argument."

"Well, I did try to kill him." She acknowledges. 

"Yeah. I've been there."

"Seriously?" She un-slumps just a litt

"I mean...not me but you're big green...buddy or whatever."

"You think I'll ever see him again when he's not trying to kill me?"

"Yeah well...don't worry, everyone here is pretty obnoxious." Bruce smiles. She can see the echo of Hulk there.

"Maybe we could practice sparring sometime?" She asks. 

"Yeah alright." 

"Sundays work?"

"Sundays are good." 

And yeah, that's definitely a Hulk sort of smile. She punches him lightly on the shoulder.

~~~

After a few months, they let her join in Avengers group sparring sessions, just as an opponent, but still. She and Sif team up against the team. It's nice. Almost like being back then, even if Sif hasn't completely forgiven her for the "shame she brought upon Asgard". 

~~~

If anyone was going to unite them, it was going to be Pepper, but Valkyrie couldn't have predicted how. Pepper is throwing out as much alcohol as she can find. Both her stash and Tony's are getting low. "Look, she's moving too quickly. I don't have much left. I say we pool our resources." 

Tony smiles "You may be evil but at least you're an evil genius." He says. They climb onto the rooftop of her embassy compound building. They drink. 

It's four of them. Sif. Tony. Valkyrie. Thor. 

It starts out silent, awkward but once she starts giggling Tony joins in. 

"What are we laughing about?" Tony asks

"I have no idea" she says, cracking up even harder at the statement.  It's drowned out after a second by Thor's ridiculously loud laughter. 

"I feel like a teenager." Tony says, lying back on the roof. "Not a cool teenager either. A stupid teenager. God, I shouldn't be doing this...Pepper isn't my mom or something."

"Then she's not the boss of you!" Thor says, still laughing

"Yeah. But she's really trying to help. Shit. I dunno. I've got to go."

Valkyrie shrugs. "You are more honorable than we, friend Stark!" Thor yells, probably thinking he's talking at a normal volume. 

"Damn right!" Tony says with a wink as he leaves to go apologize or buy flowers or just sleep it off or whatever it is he's going to do. 

~~~

She spars with Sif in the evenings. Like they used to before everything fell apart again.

~~~

Except on Sundays. Sundays are for her and her best friend. Who is back. And gives a damn about her. They even have a few minutes to talk, hours even, after a lot of sparring sessions.

She's alive when she's sparring. Not thinking about the past or the future. Everything flows around her and it's just the puzzle of where to move next and how to dodge and duck and move. It's the pleasant ache of her muscles and the feeling of not having to think and not having to avoid thinking either. 

She moves to dodge him and a single movement can be an inside joke and a teasing challenge. A look between them before one of them lunges is the culmination of a million moments between them and it means "remember that time I..." and "You always do this" "Oh, so that's the strategy you're using" and "Did that surprise you?" and "Yeah I always do this too but I bet you can't beat _this"_

She's quiet for a little to long one evening. Doesn't laugh as much. 

"You are tough. Like Hulk. Stop moping." He gives her a friendly slap on the back. 

She shoves him back. "Thanks, big guy." 

 

 


	71. The Damage She's Done

She knows what she has to do for a long time before she says it. When she's finally worked up the nerve, it's just after a practice, so she can tell Hulk to his face, along with everyone else. 

"I think I have to head back to Sakaar. Best case scenario it's in chaos. Worst case the Grandmaster will have brought it back under his thumb. Iether way, I did damage there, I should help repair it." 

"Angry girl leaving?"

"Yeah, big guy. I'll be back but I don't know when."

Hulk slumps and she hates this feeling. This guilt. It almost makes her stay but no, this guilt is a long time coming. It is an echo of something she got herself into years ago. The only way out is through. 

~~~

The day she takes a ship back out, they all gather to say goodbye. She spent a day with Hulk already so Bruce is there for the actual boarding of the ship. 

"See ya' later." She says to him, with a punch on the shoulder. 

She turns to Pepper and wraps her in a tight hug. "Damn you for making me a responsible member of society." 

 


	72. The Wedding

Pepper and Tony are officially married on a cool, misty day. It is held in the states, which ends up not actually being a problem as Tony managed to slip in a nullification of the accords and an international pardon into the post-near-WWIII negotiations thing without actually bothering to tell any of the people he'd had pardoned. The wedding is not, despite the attendance of the worlds topmost superheroes, including two of which who are literal kings, relatively heavily publicized. Everyone assumes that this is at Pepper's insistence. It is not. Pepper doesn't care. Tony does. This is his and Pepper's and they are married in front of their friends. It does not belong to the world. It doesn't belong to anyone he doesn't...well...trust might not be the right word yet...but he at least likes these people and that's a start. Peter is absolutely thrilled to be meeting any of the Avengers in person without having to actually fight them. Several selfies are taken. He raves a lot about the one battle he was involved in which is awkward for everyone. After the ceremony, they're all enjoying dessert and Pepper and Tony are wandering a garden area talking to everyone.

Steve needs to apologize. Finally meeting the kid in person, no mask...he could've been killed. 

"Hey I just...I wanted to apologize for...dropping a building on you." 

"ARE YOU KIDDING THAT WAS SO COOL!" This only makes Steve feel worse but he does his best to put it behind him. Peter is an easy person to get along with. 

Bucky is slightly uncomfortable with the numerous selfies Peter wants to take, but is also too flattered to actually turn the kid down. 

 

 


	73. Visit

Valkyrie visits not the next winter but the one after that. The embassy is going well and while most of the Avengers have moved back out to the U.S., Hulk, Tony, Pepper, and some kid in a Spider costume have also flown in for a reunion. They're staying at the embassy now, which means everybody runs into everybody else. 

"Oh, hey Champion. You're not gonna crush me are you?" Korg asks

"Don't worry rock man. Angry Girl friend so Hulk friend." 

"Cool man. Want a lemonade? I made it myself."

At some point everyone gets a try of Korg's lemonade. Hulk spits it out but otherwise doesn't freak out which everyone seems to count as a win and to which Korg responds "Fair enough, not everyone's taste." though he seems a little sad. 

Valkyrie actually thinks it's pretty good and she, and Tony find common ground adding enough alcohol to reach such a ridiculous conclusion. Loki and Tony are still weird and at odds and it's uncomfortable but it's nice at least that neither of them seem to have any more major problems with her considering their histories. 

Pepper seems to be the only one who enjoys the stuff as it is. Thor pretends to but he is an impressively bad actor. He drinks a sip, winces "Yes that is very good." Smiles and hands it back to Korg. She actually asks for more and turns down Valkyrie and Tony's pleading to share in their vices. 

After the third time Pepper says "You should both cut back on the drinking." 

Valkyrie rolls her eyes and says "Thanks _mom_ " but it's actually sort of nice. 

Valkyrie stays for a few weeks and they are a good few weeks. She has to go back sooner than she wants to but it is still a good visit. 

Sparring with Sif is still good and Thor's goodwill towards Valkyrie goes a long way in repairing Sif's opinion of her. Valkyrie's ability to put up a good fight in a sparring match does most of the rest. 

 

 

 

 

 


	74. Afterwards

Things are not perfect. Things are never perfect. But they keep going and overall, things are pretty okay. Steve's depression comes and goes, but over the years "goes" becomes more common and lasts longer and longer until it fades away except maybe a few months a year. Bucky's is more persistent, as are a number of other disorders with fancy names Akachi decided he had, and yeah sometimes he panics or locks himself in the hulk rooms while Steve bitches about it reassuringly through the door or forgets something important or just sort of brushes through a day taking only whatever obvious action in front of him but Steve is always there and there are movie nights and bad jokes with a dark sense of humor and cooking and telling the other Avengers that yes, Steve has always been this stupid (and it's always been cute). That's a fairly good balance as far as either of them are concerned. Valkyrie visits once every few years and the team usually meets her at the embassy, if in large part as an excuse to see Thor and T'challa. T'challa is a busy man, but he makes time to stop by for a day or two at least. If anyone complains he can call it "diplomatic necessity" since Asgard is technically it's own established nation.


End file.
